Exile || Sebastian Sallow

34 | Making the Bed

"Every good thing has turned
into something I dread.
And I'm playing the victim
so well in my head."
— Olivia Rodrigo

───•~❉᯽❉~•───

34 | Making the Bed

Belle's Perspective

Sitting at the edge of the hospital bed, I fiddled with the paper plane glass keychain on my bag. I waited for Nurse Blainey to come out with my special potion, a temporary remedy for ancient magic that I highly doubted would last me for much longer.

I'd been feeling the effects of my ancient magic more and more these days, even though I hadn't used it ever since the night I had to save Sebastian after the Hogsmeade disaster. And so, here I was, at the Hospital Wing, as if I hadn't got better things to do for a Thursday afternoon.

The glass keychain, feeling cool against my sweaty fingertips, turned into a very mute blue. I recalled how the vendor explained this keychain would change colours based on my emotions. I guessed this colour represented my anxiety right now, considering it felt like I was drowning in a big bucket of it at the moment.

Hogwarts was about to close for the holidays. After the party tomorrow, everyone would be on their way home to their families.

But me? All I could think about was how quiet the murderer had been. There were still Aurors roaming around Hogwarts day and night, and more would come tomorrow, but surely, something was being plotted in secret.

My anxiety for tomorrow, mixed with anxieties about my ancient magic, made for a disastrous alchemical drug being injected into my veins.

Sometimes, I felt too tired of being the girl that I was. Days that felt like mine were rare with every dawn that broke through, and every dusk that fell. Everything felt like it was slipping out of my grasp.

I'd been researching about my ancient magic in secret non-stop. I didn't care that I was losing sleep because the only time I could read about it was when no one else was around. It would be during those nights when the research would consume my soul, desperation clinging so hard onto my mind that I would think of nothing else until exhaustion blurred the edges of the table in front of me.

I could ask for help. I knew that.

But this was my battle. This was my war to win. No one else needed to be burdened with it.

I already felt like a burden sometimes, I didn't need to add it to anyone else's life. And there were times I was convinced the more I let someone in, the more I would put them in danger.

Sebastian Sallow had unlocked new melodies for me to hear. He showed me new colours that night in the snowstorm. A new kind of warmth sparking up my darkest winter days.

I couldn't have it in my heart to confess to him. I did not want to taint such a beautiful, wonderful discovery with my own damages. I already showed him the scars I inherited from my past, he did not need more of it.

And I was terrified of my past repeating itself. So, as much as my feelings were intensifying for him, I could not burden him. One of us needed to have peace in this lifetime, and I'd rather sacrifice it for him.

I just have to keep trying.

I will not fail.

I won't.