The Dawn Of A New Day (Cricky)

Chapter 12: Trust

[Chris]

I can't finish this band practice when Ricky won't even look at me. I just want to apologize but he is completely ignoring me. I know that I've hurt him and that he hates me, but it can't go on like this. I excuse myself and leave the garage.

I walk aimlessly through the city, but everything reminds me of Ricky. Why did I have to fuck up the best part of my life? It slowly gets dark outside, so I start to head home.

I see someone sitting in front of my apartment, crying. Fuck, is that Ricky? I walk quickly towards him. "Hi", I say quietly. He immediately looks up at me and stands up. "I'm so sorry", we both say at the same time. I give him a small smile. "Let's talk inside", I say, and he nods.

I ask him to sit down on the couch and he does so. "Do you want something to drink, or anything else?", I ask him. "No, I just want to apologize to you Chris. I'm so sorry, I –". I immediately interrupt him. "No Ricky, I'm the one that has to apologize", I sit down next to him. "I promised you I would never hurt you, but I did. I feel so ashamed. I should never have done that. I completely understand if you never want to see me again. But I just want you to know that I'm sorry and I never meant to hurt you. You deserve someone so much better than me".

Ricky starts shaking his head. "No Chris, just no! You don't have to apologize, you did nothing wrong, it was my fault. I should have told you that you hurt me. But I wanted to please you so badly and that was wrong. You are such an amazing person, the best boyfriend I could wish for. I had the best day ever and then, I... I just wanted to return the favor and made a big mistake. And don't say something like I deserve someone better than you. There is no one better and I only want you!", he says, still crying. I take him carefully in my arms and stroke his hair.

Fuck, we both messed up. "So you still want to be with me, even though I broke your trust?", I ask him insecurely. Ricky disentangles himself from my arms and sits upright to look at me. "You never broke my trust, Chris. I know that if I had asked you to stop you would have. I love you, Chris!". I smile at him, "I love you too, Ricky!". Ricky snuggled up into my side and I put my arms around him again, just enjoying each other's presence.

After a while, I break the silence since I really need to talk with him about something. "Ricky, I think we need to talk about our expectations and things we like and don't like regarding sexual stuff. I mean, to be honest, I'm not in the mood to start something sexual soon, but I think we should talk about that. Probably should have done that earlier", I say. He nods and looks into my eyes. "Well", he starts, "I don't have that much experience, since Jake more or less just used me and never really let me figure out what I like, but I would be more than happy to explore this with you", he smiles at me. I smile back at him. "Okay, but is there anything you already know you like or dislike?", I ask him while softly stroking his cheek. "I don't like being called names like whore, slut, or bitch.", he mutters. I nod. "but I like being praised", he continues and blushes. "Okay, baby. Noted", I say, smiling at him.

"What about you?", he asks, "what do you like and dislike?". I think for a moment, "well as you know, I like to top", I laugh and he smiles at me. "I also sometimes like it a bit harder, but more than anything I like making my partner feel good. If I see that you enjoy what we are doing, when I see you coming undone beneath me, that's the hottest thing ever", I continue and he starts blushing again. "I just love knowing that my partner feels comfortable and that we both enjoy what we are doing". Ricky starts laughing, saying "Oh believe me I know, it's almost annoying how often you ask if everything is okay, and if I am sure", he teases and smiles playfully at me. I return his smile "I also like experimenting, trying new things, but I don't like anything that leaves permanent marks or degrading my partner." He looks into my eyes, "okay sounds good to me", he says and smiles. I return his smile and softly kiss his lips.

"Can I stay here tonight, Chris?", he suddenly asks. "I want to fall asleep in your arms again", he shyly says. "Of course, baby", I say before picking him up and carrying him to my bed. "I love when you carry me", he giggles and I kiss his forehead.