a dance with cancer

thirteen

Valentina Karas

The next day, while Katelyn and Layla are discussing their homecoming plans, I'm stalking Asher's Instagram. I wish I had the capacity to listen to their excited chatter, but Asher occupies my thoughts more so than their talking about what dresses they're thinking about. 

Katelyn shows the group a short, baby pink dress with cutouts on the sides. "I really hope I can find something similar to this," she expresses. "If I buy it online, I bet it won't come until December."

"Good thing you know what you want." Layla's healed from her strep infection, but I can still hear it in her voice. "Should I do black again?"

Riley shakes her head. "Black's already taken, Layla."

"Get whatever you want, but you should try some color," suggests Katelyn. "Should we go to the mall or Begonia's first?" Begonia's, the boutique she mentioned, is a popular local spot with a few other locations around town. It is well worth the hype, but you need a doctor's salary to even afford the clearance rack. 

Riley ponders the question. "Begonia's is cute. It's like, right next to the mall."

"Yeah. I'm sure they have something similar to what you showed us, Katelyn," Layla adds.

As they continue their discussion, I try to act interested, nodding along and offering the occasional comment when necessary. But my mind keeps drifting back to Asher's Instagram feed, where I've been stalking for what feels like hours.

He only has six posts with four of them featuring him in a baseball uniform. Asher is versatile on the field, pictures of him pitching and fielding ground balls from different positions featured on his page. Last night, Asher mentioned that even though he could make it to the MLB, he isn't planning on it. 

Our conversation last night really changed my opinion. I thought he was just a charismatic playboy with a reputation to uphold, but at the end of the day he puts his pants on one leg at a time like everyone else.

As I click through his story highlights, Layla puts me on the spot. "It wouldn't be the same without you, V. We understand you have more serious priorities, but we want you there."

The thought of shopping with my friends sounds fun in theory, but when you're fatter than your friends, it's pretty stressful. I can squeeze into the biggest size at Begonia's if I suck in my stomach enough or I get lucky. My homecoming shopping was mainly there and I lucked out and got to try on more than a couple of dresses.

I'm not necessarily insecure, but I know I'm not the prettiest girl in the world. Katelyn Salazar deserves that title way more than I do. She looks like a supermodel with her tan skin and perfect body and I always feel self conscious next to her. I don't mind that my belly fat pokes out when I sit, but I have a million back rolls and massive love handles that I'm a bit more aware of.

"Let me think about it," I say, trying to buy myself some time.  

Layla raises an eyebrow. "Wait. You might be able to come to homecoming if-"

"No." I cut her off, refusing to entertain anything pertaining to Asher. He spilled his guts to me last night, but that doesn't mean jackshit in my book. "He would never."

Katelyn shoots me a knowing look. "When I saw Sawyer the other day, he mentioned Asher thinks you're pretty."

"Asher's a smart man," Riley puts in, unable to resist adding her two cents, which sends Layla and Katelyn into fits of laughter while I feel like crawling into a hole and dying.