a dance with cancer

fourteen

Valentina Karas 

My parents already aren't home on weekdays very often, but they're spending more time at the hospital with Ronan than at home after work. Sometimes only one of them goes, but more often then not both of them are at the hospital and they leave me to fend for myself. 

I mean, I can kinda cook but I burn popcorn pretty often and I stay busy by doing my work, but without my family I'm kind of lonely. It's been less than twelve years since I was an only child. It never crossed my mind that I'd feel like one after all this time or at least Ronan would when I go to college. The worst part is that they're all alive, just not physically here.

Dead silence fills the house and let me tell you, it's uncomfortable. I wish my brother was still around to make fun of me and my parents' chatter filled the house, but we weren't dealt those cards.

You know how they say everything happens for a reason and they mean well but you know damn well those words won't make things magically go back to normal? That's how I feel. Why on earth would an energetic sixth grader with all of the friends in the world's life turn upside down out of nowhere? I highly doubt I'll get the answer as I'm studying for my AP Gov test, but hopefully there's a good reason why the fights between my parents are getting more intense and chemo's not meshing well with my sick brother's body.

At least the doctors are saying it's doing something for him. 

I've been feeling like the forgotten black sheep. At this point, my parents are merely my overwhelmed roommates who sometimes forget to say good morning to me. I know they don't have a choice but to tough it out and show up every day, but I really miss them.

Thank God for music that drowns out the silence and I can't believe I'm saying this, but even school's a solid distraction from it all. My friends can't relate to what I'm going through, but they're helping me keep my head up however they can.

At school, I can go pretend I'm the person I used to be and seeing my friends takes the weight off my shoulders. But the minute I pull up to my house and I'm greeted by silence and my parents' absence, the boulders on my shoulders weigh me down once again and the lonely reality sets in. 

My bed is covered in all of my AP Gov notes. After the Calculus test disaster, I decided to study extra hard for this test because Mr. Richards is still a mean excuse for a teacher despite knowing about my situation. 

An odd notification pops up on my phone, distracting me from my studying. It reads, Asher Mendez added you! I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not hallucinating, but the notification is still there and wants to taunt me for a while until I give in. When it hits me this is serious and the insanely hot Asher Mendez decided to take a chance on me, the freaking out begins.

The girls at the Mountain View party may not have been the most welcoming, but they're stunning. I felt self conscious around the off duty models I was surrounded by in the huge house, wondering why the hell he would pick me instead of them.

My phone dings with a snap from Layla and the noise startles the shit out of me. I figure since I've been studying for a while, briefly checking Snap can't possibly kill me. 

Layla Kumar: v I did something pretty bad and I have to tell you but you have to promise not to get mad

Her ominous text bewilders me beyond words. Layla has always been a loyal, supportive friend who I've never gotten into a major fight with. What the hell did she do that was that bad? Part of me is happy she's fessing up to whatever it is on her own rather than me finding out the hard way, if you will.