𝓢𝓮𝓮 𝓜𝓮

Chapter 39

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𝔼𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖 𝕃𝕖𝕚𝕝𝕒 𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕣
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This is stupid. I shouldn't do this. It would gain me nothing. It might kill me.

But my mind is eating me alive.

I don't know what's happening, but I think I lost control over my own mind. I can't focus on one thing, on one thought. I started losing control over my powers too. I don't even know how to deal with it or how to use it. But everything seemed louder, harsher. Even when I'm talking to someone, it's like I'm in their head, like their words don't just make their way to my mind, they are in my mind.

I wanted to run away from it, from my mind. And I could only think of one time I couldn't hear anything, any thoughts. I couldn't feel anything around me, couldn't feel anything to the point that I couldn't feel like my air has been cut off, that I'm underneath water.

I'll be careful this time. I thought to myself as I gripped the sides of the bathtub more, my knuckles turning white. Kai's sleeping, there is no one to save you this time if you got carried away. I won't. Just a few minutes. A few minutes will help clear my head. I just want it to go quiet for a little.

So I took in a deep breath, submerging myself beneath the surface of the water, allowing its cool embrace to envelop me completely. The familiar sensation of weightlessness washed over me, soothing my frayed nerves as I surrendered to the tranquil depths.

I can learn to shut this off, I can learn to train my mind to be able to shut down, to kick my powers out. I don't have to run away, I can do this. I can control it.

Get out.

The thought rang through my mind, but it was quiet, clear. I barely heard my own voice in my head, but now it was like my thoughts were drowned out by the gentle lull of the water, offering a brief respite from the relentless storm raging within my mind.

Get out, Emmaline.

I don't know if this was me talking to the thoughts in my head, or to how I was still stuck in that place we were trapped in, or if I was talking to her.

For Emmaline and her powers to leave me alone. It's terrifying. I don't want it, I don't want that burden. I don't want my mum to remember her every time she looks at my face, my name was enough.

Emmaline, get out of the water!

I snapped my eyes open, jerking my body up, water splashing around me as I gasped for air, the sudden movement causing ripples to dance across the surface of the water. My heart pounded in my chest as my lungs expanded, sucking in shaky sharp breaths.

Shaking off the remnants of my brief respite, I pushed myself upright, water cascading down my skin as I steadied myself against the edge of the bathtub. The room felt different now, the air heavy with the weight of my thoughts once more. But not as much. It was better, my head felt lighter now with only my heart racing, my chest hurting from being suffocated.