my rantbook, in english

20.0

YALLLLL

I FINALLY WATCHED FULL HOUSE 🤠
ANYWAYS

I've reached bmi 18 who cheered uwu
And I almost fixed my fear of eating warm things in the evening sooooo
Good

RECOVERY'S RECOVERING EHEHEHEHE, so glad I didn't give up omg
Eventho I still have downs because I miss bmi 15 sometimes ;-; people keep saying they don't see the change but they're probably just scared I'll relapse if they say i've gained weight.
Like, everyone going insane over how they can see my bones and how "we can clearly see you've lost weight" when i've only lost 5kg and then they don't notice it when I gain 7 ??? Bitches better stop kidding me but anyways, I guess I'll try to maintain 42kg and hopefully I can ✨GROW UP✨
cuz no i'm not staying 153cm tall my whole life

Also it's weird but I still don't have my periods back ?? Like wdym I eat "normally" for 3 weeks and all my health problems aren't fixed ???

OH ALSO
I MIGHT HAVE DONE A LITTLE UHM
MISTAKE 👹

See I was feeling guilty bc I feel like my thigh gap shrinked and my belly's not that flat anymore YALL I USED TO BE ABLE TO SEE ALL OF MY RIBS WITHOUT EVEN SUCKING IN SO OFC NOW- anyways I relapsed self h@rm

(I see some people here going insane over my bullshit, sorry guys)

I was just having those starving urges and I thought " mh what's worse, organ failure or wounds "
And I mean, my friends were literally being so fucking annoying just because I was starving and now that I'm doing better I really don't want them to start being mean again yk
So better relapse sh than anorexia 😔

I'm kinda mad though cause since my parents saw the new scars on my arm I can't cut there anymore (especially since it's gonna be summer soon) so I had to do it on my thighs and AHHHH super annoying cuz the scars from last year had became white so I could've worn a suimsuit this summer without any problem but now 👽👽
Not even sure I can wear shorts tbh

It's kinda problematic cause I re started 5 days ago but I do around 15ish cuts each session so I quickly run out of space, especially since I can't cut on my other thigh (still trying not to be too obvious yk, hopefully parents will think the new scars are from last year). I tried to cut on my ankles (usually all the scars here fade super quickly) but idk maybe it's because I'm using blades instead of a knife but it started bleeding super hard (I ruined a jogging and my Snoopy socks 😔) and the wounds re-open everytime I stand up ;-;;;

I mean, sure I cut deeper now but still not THAT deep, I haven't reached the fat layer yet so I don't understand how styro cuts bleed that hard, anyways

I'm kind of anxious about how this summer will go but I'm even more anxious about eating so cutting it is...
I don't know if I'll tell anyone I've relapsed though. I'm not feeling very valid with my baby cuts :') and I swear I'm never using that goddamn hair straightener again 😭 (the wounds were nice but it was way too painful lmfao)

ANYGAYS

GUYS

I HAVEEEEEE

ALSO

DONE SOMETHING VERY COOL HEHE

(I know that pic is very shitty, talk to my phone)

I CROCHETED A SKIRT AAAAAH
It's not done though, I wanna add crochet stars on it and pearls hihi
And maybe a white border ?? And bows ?? Omg I wanna add sm stuff 😭😭
I'll update

So yeah that was it for today, i'll try to post more often and ehhm
SPILL THE TEA ABT UR LIFE HERE AS WELLLLL