The Price We Pay

Chapter 18

Twenty minutes later, I stood at the bottom of the stairs, my bag packed and hung over my shoulder. Inside, I had the blanket, my gun, extra bullets, our Identification papers and some of our leftover crackers. I had changed out of Irene's dress and into a pair of beige pants with an army green button up top.

My goal was to leave as soon as possible, I didn't want to stay here longer than I needed to. From upstairs, I heard Adri cry out in pain. I whirled around, my foot already on the first step. Before I could get any further, a hand grabbed my arm, pulling me back, "Ada, trust the doctor."

It took a moment to calm my racing thoughts.

The doctor knew what he was doing.

I slowly turned back around, with one hand Irene was still holding my arm, but in her other arm Hans laid, sound asleep. Despite my distress, seeing Hans calmed me. I smiled to myself, I helped save that baby, he wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for Adri or me.

Irene let go as I asked, "Can I hold him?" She smiled and placed the baby in my arms. He was warmly swaddled in a light gray blanket. I held him close to my chest. He fit perfectly in my arms, I didn't want to ever let go.

When I looked back up, Irene was in the kitchen, slicing the bread and placing it in a white linen cloth. "I'm glad the pants fit." She used her knife to motion to my pants. I opened my mouth to respond, when from upstairs, Adri cried out again. I flinched, planting my feet on the floor so I would run, "Thank you for letting me borrow it." I managed.

Irene shrugged it off, "It's nothing Ada. That pair is too small for Jakob, we weren't going to be using it anyways. Turn around." She walked over to me and placed the bread on the top of my bag, "This should last you. Just be back before dinner."

"Thank you Irene." I turned back around. Hans was still asleep in my arms, his breaths rhythmic.

Irene reached in her pocket and withdrew a small folded paper, "This is the address. You'll meet a man there," she smiled, "You'll know him when you see him." I took the note from her hand and pushed it in my pocket, "Thank you Irene, I promise I'll be quick."

I walked to the door, forming a plan, I needed to keep it simple: Get Hans to his new family and be back before dusk. I almost laughed, nothing ever went that easy for me.

From behind me, Irene tapped her foot, "And what else?"

I put my hand on the door, I knew what she wanted me to say, but I couldn't lie to her. I tried to comfort her, while at the same time not promising anything, "And I'll try to be safe." I added as I turned the knob.

Irene stayed quiet behind me, her eyes watering. We both knew that I couldn't promise something that wasn't in my control.

"Tell Adri bye for me, and that I'll hurry back." I gently shut the door, my heart heavy as I did.

"So you're leaving?" Startled, I jumped.

Jakob flinched, he was standing near the road. His eyes still red as he nervously twisted the fabric on his shirt.

I shifted Hans in my arms, my heart was still pounding. I kept my response indifferent. "I'll be back tonight."

"When you get back," He didn't miss a beat, his tone sounded rehearsed. His lip quivered, he sounded like crying again, "could we talk?" He nervously met my eyes, a wave of relief washed over me, he wasn't mad--at least, not mad enough to not talk to me.

I knew it wasn't fair that I had just left him there in the barn with no answers. He had done so much for me, and I stayed so distant. I didn't try to stop myself, "Jakob," I muttered. "In the barn you said I wasn't scared of anything." I held Hans close to my chest, his soft skin against mine, "That's not true." I took a heavy breath. "My biggest fear is becoming like my father."

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I glanced down at the paper, this was it. In front of me stood a small brick shop. The display window was empty, if it hadn't been for the open sign hung on the door, I would have thought the shop had been shut down. It had taken me nearly two hours to find it, mostly because I had to use back roads in an attempt to avoid any unnecessary distractions.

My eyes landed on the paper plastered to the window. I kept my face expressionless, I had to. Juden sind hier unerwünscht. I had read those words many times before. To some people, they meant nothing, it was just another sign. But to me, they were a silent act of war--Jews are not wanted here.

Han's stomach made a rumbling noise, he whimpered in my arms. I ripped my eyes from the sign and began rocking him, "I know, baby." I started humming a popular German lullaby. As I did, my mind wandered back to my last moments with Jakob before I had left. We had both silently agreed to finish our conversation the moment I got back. Every part of me ached to run back to the house, I wasn't sure what I would say--or do--all I wanted was to be back there with him.

My senses kicked in, out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone carefully watching me. I tried to recognize him, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't place his face. Uncomfortable, I kept my eyes forward as I entered the shop. A bell rang above me as I did. A voice from behind the counter chirped, "Willkommen!" I smiled as the irony hit me--she had just welcomed me into the shop.

If she only knew who I was.

I nodded back at her, then turned and walked down an aisle. Before the war, these shelves might have been filled with snacks of all kinds. Now, they sat mostly empty, except for a few scattered boxes of random crackers. The bell rang again.

I stopped walking.

The lady at the desk chirped again, "Willkommen!"

No response.

I turned around to see a man standing at the end of the aisle. He raised his eyebrows. This was the same man who had been watching me in front of the shop. I considered grabbing the nearest box of crackers and throwing them at him, instead, I simply arched an eyebrow back.

He turned around and left the shop without another word. I watched him through the glass as he walked away. I squinted my eyes, trying to recognize him. I titled my head at his odd fashion sense, his hat didn't match the rest of his clothes, it looked quite awkward.

I grinned with sudden realization--I knew that hat. Our Resistance had crocheted several only a few months ago. We had handed them out to fellow resistance members. Irene must have given him one.

I quickly wandered to the front counter and made a show of forgetting my money. I left the shop as the lady behind me called, "Komm wieder!" I snorted. She wouldn't not want me to come again if she had seen my papers.

I tried to follow the man, doing my best to not look suspicious as I did so.

I looked up and down the street, where had he gone? A heavy hand rested on my shoulder. "There you are! Your aunt and I were getting worried."

I turned to see the man I had been looking for, I tilted my head, where he had come from? He carefully lifted Hans from my arms. I understood what he was doing. It was all a show, I just had to trust him.

He gave a reassuring smile, encouraging me to play along, then proclaimed loudly, "How about you finish up the last of the errands and then meet us back at the house?" I nodded, he was telling me It was time for me to go. As I turned down the street, away from Hans, I felt a pinch in my chest. I found myself blinking back tears.

I didn't let myself look back.