Chasing Stars {Ereri/Riren}

24. Reminiscing

video: blue jeans by ThisLoveMakorra

this yter makes a lot of ereri videos, so be prepared so thislovemakorra spam in here

I let out a soft chuckle. "Sorry for the sad part... Um, Kenny was a good person, I swear. He had begun going delusional from insomnia and stress, that's all." Mikasa looked away, knitting thin eyebrows as I continued to Hanji and Petra. "A few months later, in February of 2009, he passed away. Simply overworking. It's happened before."

Hanji appeared startled, and she dipped her head. Petra was staring intently at my hand, for some reason. I watched her curiously until her hazel eyes began to water. "O-oi! Petra!"

She glanced at me. "Your right hand," she mumbled. "The ring's on your right hand." I nodded slowly. "Then why," she rushed on, "did you let me call Levi your husband all these times?"

"I told you, we never got past engagement," I reminded warily.

"Before then!" The amber woman's lip trembled. "Why not move it to your left hand?"

"Dunno," I replied, eyeing the hand. It was simple, a silver circle my size. "My watch is on my left hand. Maybe I'd feel unbalanced."

Hanji perked up from afar, dropping a nozzle to some beverage to exclaim loudly, "You're left-handed?"

I winced. "Hanji, the spigot..." She grabbed up the faucet and proceeded spraying into someone's cup. "How'd you know?" I added.

Hanji cackled, sending me a wild grin. The light reflected white against her goggles, and her messy ponytail completed the spitting image of a mad scientist of sorts. "I heard that you're supposed to wear a watch on the hand you write with. Or maybe it's opposite... When did we bring up watches again?"

I sighed, muttering, "You made it seem like you were going to say something different," at the same time Mikasa retorted dryly, "I don't think that's a reliable statement."

Hanji grumbled, "I was right anyways," with a slight pout.

My eyes observed the black watch on my left wrist as Mikasa and Hanji got at it. If I squinted, the warm glow of The Titanic lit up the engraved initials C.L.A. I'd have to tell them about it soon. Petra leaned forward to lay a hand on my forearm, snapping me out of my daze. I peered at the blonde's amiable expression.

"You're a lot different that you were then," she murmured. "I can tell in your eyes."

I flushed, stuttering, "M-my eyes?" I averted my eyes.

Petra hummed in agreement, turning straight in her stool. "I feel like, the way you tell the story, your eyes used to be lively and bright and clever. Like you'd seen things, but you were smart enough to be optimistic about it and life in general. To fight. I feel like you had a- a hunter in your eyes." She sighed, twisting a finger around the rim of her drink. Petra brought her eyes back to my stunned ones. They were flat.

"Now you look like you haven't been living. Just existing."

My heart beat wildly in my rib cage. I took a shocked gasp of breath, but it caught in my throat, sending me into a coughing fit. Mikasa surveyed the commotion with tense apprehension. I stood, backing away. "It's late. We ought to be going, huh, Mikasa?" She nodded, rearranging the red scarf as she joined me.

Hanji waved, and Petra smiled, her former attitude gone. "Bye," they cried harmoniously.

As we left the bar, I lifted my attention to the cloudless sky. The moon was not as full as it had been nights ago, on Monday, which seemed eternities ago. Suppose time seems longer when you tell stories from three years ago, I pondered.

White moonlight still splashed onto store windows, small display plants, and cars. I was reminded of Tuesday night with the trip to Florist Ral's. A hand snaked its way up to clasp the key around my neck; the very key Petra had entrusted me with, reminding me that I still had people who cared.

Mikasa tapped my shoulder, and I tore away from viewing the moon and reminiscing this week. "My car's unlocked." I grunted, opening the passenger side door. "Those girls are different," she small-talked as we drove to my house. "How long have you been friends?"

"Hmm... Monday."

Mikasa jumped, the car swerving slightly. "Eren!" she gasped, grabbing a mildly addled look from me. "You've been crazy personal to a bunch of strangers you've known less than a week?"

I tapped my chin thoughtfully. "Um, if we wait another two or three days, we'll have a week."

"That's not the point!" she hissed. "You haven't even told me half of this!"

"Dang," I gabbed. "If you'd come by around Monday or Tuesday, you could've caught more of the story, Mikasa."

"You are not realizing what I'm saying," she said, giving me a glare.

"I'm sure I am," I snapped. "I'm just focusing on other things."

"Eren!"

"So what? I'm not allowed to have friends?" My blood began to boil.

"That's not what I'm-"

"No, that is! You think they aren't worthy to hear a dumb gag because I haven't known them for as long as Armin? Or Isabel? I can have a life! I can do what I want to do! Stop bossing me around- you aren't Carla, Mikasa!" My voice had reached a yelling crescendo. "You aren't Carla and you never will be! Face it, you can't baby me around forever. You can't stay by my side forever! No one does!"

It was quiet then, besides the purr of my sister's car as we neared my home. I leaned my chin into an open palm, calming my breaths. It was no good to bust a fuse at each other, especially since she'd be up and leaving tomorrow morning for Indianapolis. The minimum I could do is treat her like a proper guest.

"You think everyone has left you?" Her tone was calm. I picked up a tone of hurt.

"Listen, I'm sorry-"

She stopped the car, turning it off. It was dark, and I could see the shadowy silhouette of my house among the trees. Mikasa's dark body faced mine, so I stared where I guessed her eyes would be. "Everyone left?" she repeated, down to a whisper.

"Doesn't it seem like it?" I answered. "Didn't Mom and Dad leave us? Didn't Levi leave me? When was the last time Armin contacted us? Do we even have relatives? Me and you, we're all alone in this world. The least I can do is vent to a couple of strangers. " I opened the car door and stepped outside.

Mikasa followed me up the rock path to my house. "We both know Armin is abroad for studies. He could've simply gotten caught up in his studies. And what about Levi's old friends? Isabel and that Far guy? We have countless people from college and high school to look up if we need to. And then..." I paused when the crunching of her shoes stopped along with her voice.

Mikasa clutched her scarf, eyes downcast. The moon peeked out from the treetops, illuminating us just enough. "And then," she echoed, "don't we have each other?"

My eyes widened.

"I try for a reason, Eren. I only want you to be happy. Don't be mad at me for wanting to protect you. No one can replace your mother either. I'll always be with you. I'll go where you'll go, and I'll always be overprotective." Her eyes met mine, and their grays were filled with tears. "So, please, don't push me away, too."

I jerked back. Mikasa's words ghosted those of Isabel's on Monday. Don't push me away too, Eren-bro. A single breeze ruffled our hair, brown and black, and the trees picked up their lullaby. My knees shook. Petra was right, in the end. I was existing. Not living.

I waved at Mikasa. "Come on. It's getting chilly. Plus, it's God knows how late. and you have to sleep before you drive back in the morning. I'll show you the guestroom."

My sister followed me into the house wordlessly, allowing me to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

_______________

forever frustrated because i started this before i read the manga, and i prefer hanji as gender neutral or trans over a female ;-;