Take me (WxIntersex)

35

TW: Mentions of child abuse and suicide.

Xhenia's POV

"I don't exactly know what you know, so I'm going to tell you everything."

Alekses hummed and nodded, giving me her undivided attention.

"I surprisingly wasn't an accident," I started. I said surprisingly because from the way I grew up you'd think I was an unwanted accident. "My parents had been married for four years and decided they were ready to conceive, but it wasn't easy. For two years they tried until they did. My father would say I was their miracle baby. My father was what held us together as a family."

Bringing up my relationship with my father would always make me smile because that's what he did. He hated seeing me upset. In his words, he only wanted his raindrop to shine bright in the sun and moonlight. That meant he wanted me to be happy at all times if he could help it.

"Life was great until I turned five. One day, on a peaceful afternoon, I was outside playing dolls with my father when all of a sudden some people started shooting. They were in an old black truck. I don't know what upset them that day, but they decided to do a drive by in three neighborhoods, and sadly, mine was one of them. My dad told me to go inside, but I couldn't move. I was scared, so he came for me. He grabbed me and ran towards the house, but it was already too late since we were the second house on the street," I sighed. I was trying to approach the subject lightly so I wouldn't cry, but I'm sure I will. My father's death is a sensitive topic for me. "They opened fire the moment they saw us and riddled his body with bullets. My dad wasn't on the small side, so he made sure to cover me entirely and take everything."

I immediately turned from Alekses when I heard my voice crack. I didn't want her to see me cry like this. Though, I'm sure it wouldn't be the first time.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm here for you," she whispered. She turned me back around and wiped my tears. "Don't hide your pain from me. Lean on me instead."

She then wrapped her arms around me and I held onto her like I would slip away if I didn't. Like I said, my father's death hurt me, but the aftermath hurt worst.

"The cops were called, but it was too late. He was pronounced dead on the scene," I choked. "As a five year old, I was already traumatized from seeing his life slip away right in front of me, but my mother and his side of the family made it worse. They blamed his death on me. They would always say it was my fault because I didn't do as I told. They would say it should've been me and not him. They could've had another kid, but they can't get another him."

I've never told anyone this before. They told me never to tell anyone about it, but now that I'm finally saying all of it, it feels like a heavy anchor was finally lifted from my body. I told her everything in a fit of sobs because it was hard to keep it all in. I can't believe I took everything that was thrown at me and kept walking.

"My mother despised my existence after that and said I deserved what ever happened in the future to me. Me thinking I did, agreed. She would beat me whenever she felt like it, but I could the beatings weren't enough. They couldn't replace my father, so she began crying to the heavens to bring him back. You know what they say, when you pray everyone listens," I let out a bitter chuckle after. I never understood the desperation of a grieving person to make them go so far as to summon a demonic spirit. "My mother's prayers were eventually answered, but not by who she thought. Whenever it showed itself to her, it was my father, but I saw it for what it really was and it didn't like that. It convinced her that I was cursed and she needed to get rid of me."

I expected Alekses to have some kind of question about my past, and if she did, she didn't ask them. Alekses remained silent until I needed her to talk. She'd rub my exposed skin, and occasionally rub my back to keep me calm.