Take me (WxIntersex)

38

Xhenia's POV

Everything feels...cold. I feel...naked.

I'm in a room full of people, so why do I feel so empty now? Why do I want to run and cry until I can't anymore? Is that why she had been so distant with me lately?

I know I shouldn't have, but after they left I lied about using the restroom and followed them. It felt like I shattered when I heard the truth. Alekses doesn't believe I love her. Does this mean her love is fake? Does she truly love me?

If she doesn't believe me, why am I here?

"Xhenia, dear, could you pass the dinner rolls, please," I heard someone ask, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"The dinner rolls," Vera said. "Are you okay? You've been spacing out since you came back from the bathroom earlier."

No, I'm not okay. I'm distraught, but I can't tell her that. If I do, she'll ask why, and I'll have to tell her.

"Don't worry, I'm fine," I smiled weakly and passed her the rolls.

She nodded as if she understood, but there was still a concerning look on her face.

I feel nauseous. I feel very nauseous.

Oh no.

"Excuse me," I rushed out and ran from the table. It was a good thing I remembered where the restroom was or I would have vomited on the floor.

I rushed in the bathroom, locked the door, and kneeled before the toilet. Everything and nothing came up.

I feel so pathetic. I feel used...again. I love her. I love her so much and she didn't believe. Not one second did she believe me. I gave up myself for her and this is how she repays me. She put me through so much and I didn't say anything about it. I'm tired.

I could hear someone pounding on the door, but the drumming of my ears was louder, so they were quickly drowned out.

I want to curl into a ball and stop existing.

Is this a heartbreak? Am I heartbroken?

I need Paws.

"Xhenia, baby, are you okay?"

Of course, it's her out there. Why did it have to her?

"Little one, are you alright?"

You knew how she felt and didn't say anything, hoping she'd straighten out. Why let her keep dragging me in sand?

Who else knew? Did Amie know?

I continued heaving over the toilet at the sound of their voices. I have nothing left in me.

Why did I have to figure out now out of times. Now, I've ruined everyone's mood and appetite.

After my stomach realized there was nothing left to vomit, it eased up on the clenches and I was able to sit back and breathe.

I don't hear anyone at the door anymore, but I still saw someone's shadow there. I laid my head against the shower door and sniffed. I thought I could hold it in. Guess I couldn't.

I've made enough commotion. I should get back out there. First, I should rinse my mouth out.

I flushed the toilet and stood on shaky legs. Leaning over the sink, I rinsed my mouth out with water.

When I stood at the door, I took a deep breath and opened it.

Alekses jumped up from beside the door, while Ona pushed herself off the wall at the same time.

"What's wrong," Alekses asked. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a hug. My arms raised to return it, but then they dropped. What was the point?

"I don't feel well," I said. Can't say it was a lie. "I want to go home."

"If that's what you want, we can go."

"Before you go, can I have a moment with her," Ona asked before we walked off.

"Ona she's not feeling well."

"Alekses, I'll meet you in the living room," I interrupted her.

We both watched Alekses' internal battle before she nodded and walked off.

"I'm sorry, little one," Ona said when Alekses was out of sight.

"You knew I was there, didn't you?"

"It was high time you knew. You deserve so much, and I know she can give you everything you deserve," she stated. "She just needs to stop blaming her confusion on Stockholm Syndrome."

"Why Stockholm Syndrome?"

She walked to me, kissed my head, and gave me a reassuring hug. It was almost as if she was comforting her little sister.

"I've said more than I should and could," she smiled and patted my head. "That's something you two need to over time. You both love each other, but one questioned the other's because of something she did. It's stupid, but it's reality."

After saying what she needed, Ona walked off, leaving me where I stood. Ona, you are a confusing woman.

Walking in the same direction as they did, I met up with Alekses in the living room, but Ona was no longer here. It seems the kids went to their rooms while was in the bathroom.

"Are you okay," Vera asked when she saw me.

"I'm fine. Just a little under the weather."

"Here take this with you," she handed me a plate. "Eat it when you feel better, and don't worry about returning the plate."

"Thank you."

"You two be safe out there."

"Yes ma'am," Alekses and I said in union as we walked outside.

The ride to the house was silent on my end. No matter how many times Alekses tried to converse, I couldn't find it in me to respond.

The drive to the house seemed to last forever, but when we made it, I didn't get out.

"Alekses."

"Yes, baby?"

"I...don't want to be around you, right now," I started. "So, please go home until I call you."

She quickly turned to me and reached over to hold the door close when I tried to open it.

"What the hell is this about?"

"Please, Alekses."

"Tell me why."

"Alekses, please listen to my request," I begged.

Her eyes searched mine and I could that she was hurt, but not as much as me. She sighed and moved her hand from the door. When I saw her hand from my peripheral vision, I subconsciously flinched, hurting her even more.

"Did you think I was going to hit you?"

"I'm sorry, Alekses," I said without looking at her. I couldn't look at her. "Take care of yourself for the time being."

I love you.