agape [Sean Cassidy×Reader]

14. I'm packing up my crayons and leaving

(A/N : Hey guys this chapter needs a bit of a trigger warning for the following content :
-talks of parent death
-talks of death in general
-mentions of alcohol abuse
-alcohol use
-talks of (attempted) domestic violence
-mentions of depression/depressive episodes
please do not read this chapter if any of these topics are sensitive!!
ALSO wattpad is being weird this is supposed to be the 14th chapter, not the one it is place in order as?!?!? ive tried fixing it soooo many times and it just wont work so i thoroughly apologize for the fucking confusing mess this story is)

୨୧°•

Waking up next to Sean was starting to become my favorite activity. Seeing the sunlight hit his face, illuminating his crystal blue eyes and firery hair beautifully. I always woke up earlier than him. I enjoyed just getting to admire him in the mornings.

We had a thing for each other, it didn't need to be said, it was an unspoken language between the two of us. The way we would admire each other was quiet and gentle. "Morning," Sean mumbles gently, pulling me onto his chest.

"Morning," I mutter back.

He runs his fingers through my hair gently, "Charles wants me to work in the lawn today," Sean explains.

"10 more minutes?" I ask him quietly for more time.

"Well, I wasn't gonna mowe the lawn at 7 in the morning, but sure. 10 more minutes," I can hear Sean's smile in his voice.

I shuffle around, becoming more comfortable. "Did you sleep well?" Sean inquires.

I nod, "Mhm, did you?"

I feel him nod, "dreamt of you."

"What about me?"

"Nothing important!" He rushes.

"You are aware I can read your mind right?"

Even though I am able to read his mind, I choose not to, I want him to tell me what he is thinking. Partly because I like hearing his voice, over the months since Cuba it quickly became my favorite sound to hear; and partly because I feel like it is invading his privacy if I read his mind.

He chuckles, "then read it. You would only find thoughts of you in there."

"I really hope you think about more than just me, Sean," I giggle.

Beats of silence pass between the two of us. "So what did you dream of?" I implore.

Sean sighs rather glumply, I understand the glumness when he does talk, "I dreamt about you at Cuba," he says after a moment of silence passed between the two of us, "and just- I had a dream that you- you died-" he choked out the last part.

My mouth goes dry. A strange part of me is glad its not just me who has nightmares of the atrocities that occurred on the sand of that beach. Even though all of us struggled with the painful memories, none of us dared to talk about it. Maybe we all think that if we don't talk about it, it will be like it never happened. I dont know how to respond or comfort Sean, because, well, none of us have talked about it yet, but I speak,"I have those dreams too - about Cuba, I mean. I have dreams of you dying - of Charles getting shot - Raven leaving with Erik. I have them too," I do my best to comfort him, "sometimes I have flashbacks."

Sean soakes in my words, "I still think about Raven and Erik. Do you?"

I nod into his chest,"it's okay to think about them - Erik and Raven - I think about them all the time."

"Do you think they're alive? Is it bad that I want them to be alive?" Sean chokes on his tears.

My hand comes up to his face to wipe the tears when they eventually do fall, "y'know sometimes I turn to tell Raven something. I physically turn to talk to her like she's here. I still hope she will wake me up one day, and it will all be a dream. I want them back, too."