Patient B-2

Chapter Thirty-Five: Aren

Friends?

We're not going to be friends.

In these past few days, we've put aside our search for Idalia. I've reassured Avalyn that I'm fine with waiting for her, but deep down, I'm restless. I should be out there, relentlessly hunting for my sister, but I'm held back by uncertainty about what Avalyn plans to do once she returns.

I can't shake the feeling that once I have my sister back, Avalyn will leave me behind. As much as I long to see my sister again, I find myself wanting to be with Avalyn more. It might make me a selfish brother, especially considering Idalia has dedicated her entire life to finding me, but our reunion can wait until I've convinced Avalyn that we belong together. She may not see it yet, but I'll make her see it.

I also have to consider Avalyn's past loves, and the unsettling possibility that they might be with my dear sister, wherever she may roam. It strikes a chord of fear within me. The mere thought of Avalyn rekindling those connections ignites a primal urge within me to fiercely protect what we share. I'd sooner embrace the confines of my cell than allow the specter of her exes' influence to cast a shadow over our love.

For reasons beyond my comprehension, there was a twisted sense of loyalty in the way she talked about the men who had betrayed her. Despite the pain they caused, she still held a flicker of care for them. They inflicted wounds upon her, wounds I could never fathom inflicting. If anything, I could offer her something different, something better.

I'd never dream of causing her pain, not unless she explicitly desired it. I'd bend over backwards to fulfill her every request. If she wanted me to be a puppet, I'd gladly oblige. I'd transform into anything she desired, and then some. As long as she keeps me close, I'll be whatever she wants. I just want to be near her, to feel her lips on mine, and to hear her words meant only for me.

I understand why she's distanced herself, erecting walls to shield against the possibility of enduring heartbreak again. I can't fault her for being cautious; it's a natural response to past pain. But I'm determined to demonstrate why she doesn't need to guard her heart with me. She made a promise to keep me, and in return, I vowed to keep her. That's a commitment I intend to honor with every fiber of my being.

I need to show Avalyn that I'm deserving of her- that I merit her love. What we experienced in that closet wasn't a fleeting moment of passion as she said it was; it was profound and genuine. She feels it too, deep down, but her fear is palpable. She's afraid I'll inflict the same pain her past did, and ironically, that fear is evidence of our connection's authenticity. If she didn't care, if she wasn't afraid of getting hurt, then she wouldn't feel anything at all.

I may have settled for just being friends in her eyes, but I know it's not sustainable. Perhaps I'm not okay with whatever she's willing to give me. I, at the very least, need her touch. Even though it's only been a few days, I'm already feeling the withdrawal of it. It's as if my heart quickens every time she brushes against me, despite having ceased to beat in centuries. All I crave is closeness, to feel her skin against mine, her hands entangled in my hair, her body molded to mine. The desire to be close to her consumes me entirely.

Sleeping alone has never felt as unbearable as it does now. I've endured nights in my cell without Jeannette across from me, but this solitude is unlike anything I've experienced. I remember the sensation of burying my face in the curve of her neck, of holding her delicate frame close to mine, our bodies entwined. Now, there's nothing I crave more than that closeness- that intimacy we once shared.

I've chosen to sacrifice as much sleep as possible, spending my nights lingering by her bedside. It's the closest I can get to her right now. While I treasure the hours spent tracing the contours of her skin and tangling my fingers in her hair, it's never enough. I'm beginning to realize that nothing will ever be sufficient when it comes to her.