Adopted By Harry Styles

Chapter 57

This chapter is dedicated to all of my readers who are feeling depressed, suicidal and feeling like they have no one in there lives. Stay strong my lovelies! You can do it! You are stronger! I believe in you! I love you!

Song: Try by Colbie Caillat

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Nothing much has been happening. Everyday so far I've been in rehabilitation in order to get everything working again. Believe me, I've felt worse.

The first few days were hard. I didn't really eat much even though the doctors insisted I do. I constantly told them that I wasn't that hungry, and according to them, that was normal. Considering the fact that they had to drain all the "poison" out of me with a rubber tube kinda makes it easy to say that I'm not hungry. But of course, I am hungry. Starving actually. But honestly, I don't want to eat.

It hurts to breathe. This can mean many things, but for me, it has two reasons. The first is because of the fact that they had to pump my stomach and get the "poison" out of me and honestly it just hurts in general. The second is for the fact that I was so close from dying, so close from actually leaving this world, so close to doing something that I actually wanted to do, but people saved me. I wanted to die. I wanted to leave this world that I didn't belong in. I hate this place. I don't even know what it is anymore. Do you know how it feels to be inches away from death and having people save you even though the main reason why they saved you is because of the fact that you wanted to end it all and they just go ahead and just save you? That sounded more complicated then it should of but give me a break in not that good at the whole opening up stuff. But honesty, it a terrible feeling. Wanting to end your life, close to ending it, and having someone actually think they saved you. They didn't save me. In fact, they only made it worse. I would have been better off dead. When your dead, you don't have worries. No pain. It's just an endless amount of nothingness. I wish I was dead. I want to be dead. Those doctors only made my life an even more living hell. Because every time I take a breath, the more I feel like a waist of space. And the more I wish I wasn't anymore.

Almost every 4 hours, someone has to come in and take my blood. It's gotten to the point where I've gotten so used to it, that I no longer feel pain from the needle. It just feels like a pitch or something. It's annoying though I can tell you that.

I know I said before that I don't really eat that much (for personal reasons that you already know) anymore, but when I do eat, the food tastes... like... nothing. It has no flavor. Not even the soup! I'm pretty sure if Gordon Ramsey had a load of this food, he'll fucking order this place to be nuked.

I only have about two days left here in this bloody hospital and I honestly can't wait to get out of here. I'm not sure what's gonna happen once I'm out of here. When Harry visits (which is everyday since we're on break), we don't really talk about it. Mainly because I want to avoid it, and I have a feeling that Harry wants to too. I wouldn't blame him. I mean, I could go away for ether weeks, months, maybe even years, depending on how bad my condition is compared to the others.

I lie down on the bed getting my blood taken from me once again. Not to be creepy or anything, but I kind of like it. I can't explain why I like it. I guess it's just a creepy fact about me... or something.

"Okay, and... you're... done!" said the nurse who just took my blood. I think his name was Elijah or something. Hey, I could (most likely) be wrong.

"Thanks.." I croak. He then left the room with a pint of my blood. In order for me to avoid feeling faint, I have to drink orange juice and a cookie. I can't really remember why I have to drink and eat this stuff. Call me an idiot if you must.