Adopted By Harry Styles

Chapter 66

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A GRAPHIC SCENE THAT MAY BE INTENSE FOR SOME READERS AS WELL AS A GRAFIC IMAGE! I WILL GIVE YOU A WARNING WHEN IT IS TO COME. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

  Enjoy ABHS!
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  I had to force the guys to leave me be, and by that, I mean force them to go back on the tour. Yes, they went back on tour and no I don't have a problem with it. I wanted them to go back for the fans, and I didn't want them to disappoint them because of me. They were already in a frenzy after they got the photos of me at Justin's funeral and got even more pissy when they realized that the guys lied to them inn order to be with me (which in my opinion is a pretty stupid thing to be mad about). But I told them that I would meet up with them when they started to tour in the UK, which won't be for a couple weeks.

  Speaking of those photos, once I posted that 21-ish long Instagram videos (which I also connected it to my Twitter), people sorta started to leave me be and comfort me on my loss. However, some people have somehow thought that I had came up with the whole thing. Some have even came up with the "brilliant" idea that I was faking everything; that Justin was alive and that I was doing this to be a whiny bitch and get some attention. Better yet that I was a "fame-hungry-whore" as I read. And to those who think that, there is a special place in hell for them, right next to the place where Shannon will be.

For the time being when I'm not with the guys, I'm staying with Gemma and Anne, though I haven't really spoken that much now a days, and i think they are starting to become a bit worried about my being. Gemma and Anne constantly check up on me when they think that I look sad. Most of the time I fake it and I say I'm fine, but other times, I just want to be alone with my thoughts, which is both a good and a bad thing. I haven't been eating as much as I should be, but I just haven't had any appetite since the funeral. I know I should be eating (since with my battle with anorexia not too long ago), but as much as I want to, I can't. I don't know why, but every time I even as so far lift a piece or food, or even look at it, I become sick. Sometimes I think of it as a disgrace to Justin's memory, since he's no longer eating and I'm over here cowing down, but at the same time, I know its a stupid reason and I know that that's not the whole truth. Maybe there's another reason for me doing this, but I just don't know why yet? That still sound pretty stupid.

  Today, I just wanted to be alone. I wanted to think to myself without anyone being with me. Don't ask how I got where i am right now cause thats not important, but I'm at the beach. Meols Beach actually, its near Liverpool, which is actually a sort of a long drive from my house. I left a note for Gemma and Anne on the refrigerator in the kitchen saying that I needed a little time for myself and to clear my mind but that I would probably be home in time for lunch. I didn't promise that though. I didn't know how long I would be out here. All I knew at this point was that I just had to clear everything. I walk around the sand and look around noticing that not a lot of people were here today. Granted it was pretty chilly, then again, thats just England trying to fuck with you. It's summer for gods sake, why it is so chilly. Then again its usually breezy on a beach so I really shouldn't complain.