It's ok to love you (Hyunbinlix, Minsung, Chanseungin)

Chapter 17

Back at Hyunjin's place, Hyunjin was lying in bed with his hand on his forehead. His head hurt, and it wasn't just because of a headache. He was so torn up inside.

He couldn't believe that he was starting at Felix the way he did. But how could he not? The young Aussie was so beautiful. His smile, his freckles, those perfectly heart-shaped lips. Seeing Felix made Hyunjin's heart flutter. Not since Changbin has anyone made him feel like that.

"You're disgusting, Hyunjin!" said the voice in his head. His father's voice. "You're a disgrace to the Hwang name! I'm ashamed to call you my son!"

"Shut up!" Hyunjin yelled, causing Minho and Jisung to enter his room.

"Hyunjin, are you alright?" Minho asked, clearly concerned about his best friend.

"Y-yeah." said Hyunjin. "I-I had a bad dream. I'm ok." he lied. He wasn't ok. He hadn't been ok since the breakup. In fact, he's only gotten worse, always hounded by his father's voice, telling him that he's worthless and disgusting.

"Do you need me to get you something?" said Minho.

The only thing that Hyunjin needed was Changbin. He craved for his ex to kiss him passionately like they once did. He wanted their hands to go everywhere, exploring each other's bodies once more. And, he wanted Felix to join them.

"No, I just need some sleep." said Hyunjin. "I'll be fine, Min."

"Ok." said Minho, as he closed the door to let Hyunjin sleep.

"Baby, what's wrong with him?" Jisung asks.

"I don't know." says Minho. "I've never seen him this bad before. But I have a strong gut feeling that it's about Changbin and Felix."

Jisung nods. "I did notice how Hyunjin was staring at Felix." he says. "And he was completely not expecting to see Changbin after all these years. I mean, that stunt that he pulled at McDonald's speaks for itself.

"Hyunjin just doesn't talk to me about that day." says Minho. "I try to get him to open up, but he instead closes up even more." Tears start to form in his eyes. "I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Oh, Minho." says Jisung, as he pulls Minho into a hug. "It's ok, baby. You're doing the best you can. Hyunjin just needs time."

"It's already been 6 years." says Minho. "I feel like I'm losing him."

"Don't say that, Minho." says Jisung. "He needs us. We need to be there for him."

"You're right, squirrel." says Minho. He then pecks Jisung on the lips. "Thank you for helping me while I'm going through this."

"I'll always be here for you, no matter what." says Jisung. "I love you."

"I love you too, squirrel." says Minho.

Back in Hyunjin's room, his mind was a wreck as he looked back on that horrible day when his dad caught him and Changbin in the act.

His father had belted, punched, and kicked him so much. He thought his dad was going to kill him. By the time Hyunjin's father finally finished, the poor boy was covered with blood, snot, and tears.

Hyunjin just simply lay there, crying his eyes out as he curled up into a ball. He couldn't believe that his own father would be this cruel.

"If I ever catch you kissing another guy again, I'll kill you myself!" Mr. Hwang threatened. "And if I ever catch you with that boy again, I'll kill him right in front of you! And then I'll kill you too! Do you understand me?!"

When Hyunjin remained quiet, his father grabbed him the neck. "I said, do you understand me?!" he roared.

"YES!" Hyunjin said, as his father let go of his neck. Hyunjin coughed as he caught his breath. His father then left his room as he slammed the door, leaving Hyunjin on the floor.

The entire time, his mother never once went in his room to even see if he was alive. Not to comfort him or anything. She just went about her day.

Hyunjin finally managed to pick himself up on the ground and made his way to the mirror. He was shocked by what he saw. He was bleeding and covered in black and blue bruises everywhere.

He looked as awful as he felt. He silently wished he was dead. He didn't want to go on living. His father despised him even before he discovered that Hyunjin was gay.

Hyunjin loved dancing, art, and photography. His father, however, never liked that Hyunjin was interested in such things. He said the only people interested in that were women and fags.

Hyunjin despised his father, but was also terrified of him. And that beating simply cemented that fear tenfold.

Hyunjin then made his way to the bathroom and took a shower, crying the entire time. What was he going to do? His father had threatened to kill Changbin if he ever caught together again. He had to protect Changbin.

After he took a shower, he locked himself in his room. After crying some more, he then made the hardest thing he had to do, break up with Changbin. But he didn't dare call or text him. He was afraid that even that simple act would be enough to endanger him.

No. He would rather die before he put Changbin in harm's way. Instead, he decided to block his number his number, and block him on all the social media they shared. He felt awful, but he had no choice. He then cried himself to sleep.

The next day, Minho had asked Hyunjin what was wrong, and he told him everything. Everything except his father's threats. He then told Minho to tell Changbin that it was over between them.

This of course shocked Minho, considering how close Hyunjin and Changbin were. He tried to get more information from Hyunjin, but he kept him in the dark. That was the first of many times that Hyunjin would have his defenses up and not confide in Minho. He hated himself even more for that.

As reality sank in, Hyunjin could barely hear Jisung and Minho on the other side of the door, talking. They sounded very concerned about Hyunjin, which made him cry more.

They were concerned about him, however, it's because of his behavior, which stemmed from that day. He hated the fact that he he wasn't strong of confident enough to stand up against his father.

He wishes he could turn back time and do things differently. He wishes he could've locked his door, fought back more, anything. He wished that he and Changbin could elope and never return to Seoul. But that would also mean leaving his friends behind. The friends who he loves as brothers.

Hyunjin lies back down in bed. He feels like he's the most miserable human on Earth. "Oh Changbin." he says. "I love you so much. And I'm so sorry. I'm sorry everyone. I really messed up."

He closes his eyes and tries to go to sleep. He's so tired, and in more ways than one. He wishes that things were different. He him and Changbin were still together as boyfriends. That Felix was also their boyfriend. But most importantly, he wishes that his never-ending pain would finally stop.