Found and Forgotten

Chapter 20

Zeta POV

I was in my room having a panic attack. When Dante picked me up, I immediately was taken back to being woken up with abuse. I instinctively cowered in fear. My body is shaking since I can't shake the feeling. 

I also feel like a freak. Why can't I just be normal. Dante probably blames himself, when he did nothing wrong. Still, part of me wishes he would've thought about this. I'm sitting on the bed curled up with my knees to my chest, failing to get the thoughts to stop racing and my heart to stop beating so fast. 

There was a knock at my door. My panic increased a little. I don't want them to see me like this. I really hope it isn't Dante. I'm not ready to face him yet.

Another knock broke me out of my thoughts. "Zeta, can I come in?" It's Matteo. Probably my best option of who it could be. "Z? I'm going to come in if that's okay?" I decide to let him know it's okay. "You can come in" I say shakily.

He walks in and slowly makes his way toward me, taken in my panic state. He makes sure to keep his distance and squats down to my eye level.

"Hey. Dante told me what happened. You seem a little distraught. Do you want to talk about it?"

I took a second to think. My breathing picked up a little. Matteo must have noticed because he suddenly said "Hey. Look at me. Breathe with me." I met his eyes and followed his breaths till I became much calmer. My heart was still racing but my breathing was more even.

"There you go. Can I hug you?" Matteo asked and I nodded, not ready to speak yet.

"You're safe Z. No one is mad at you. No one thinks less of you. We are here for you." He whispered reassuringly.

After a long pause, I spoke: "I didn't mean to freak out. I just was brought back to my past, when someone touching me on my sleep meant nothing good."

"I know. I know. It's okay. We understand. Dante feels so guilty for not thinking. I'm so sorry you went through all that" he told me.

We sat together while he whispered reassuring words. I felt a lot of better.

"Thank you, Teo. I would've been panicking a lot more without you" I admitted.

He hugged me tighter. "I should probably talk to Dante" I spoke.

"I'll go get him. Don't be up too late though, we have a big day together tomorrow" he said with a wink as he walked out of my room.

A few minutes later, Dante walks in wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt. His hair was dripping as if he'd just showered. He approached me cautiously. "Hey." He breaks the tension in the room.

"Hi" I reply. A brief pause passed before I say, "come sit?" Patting the bed next to me. I see what looks like relief wash over his face as he comes to sit by me.

"Z, I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. Clearly, I wasn't thinking. I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry, I hope I didn't ruin how you see me. I love you soo much. You looked so peaceful sleeping, I just didn't want to leave you. " He rushed out, rambling on.

"Dante. Chill out. It's okay" I say.

"Huh?" He says, as if he doesn't understand.

"Everything is okay. We are good. I know you didn't mean to, but it brought up so many bad memories I just panicked. Sorry you have to deal with that." I explain.

"Don't apologize. It's all my fault. I was too careless.' he reassured.

"Don't blame yourself. I'm new in your life again so it'll take time. Just please try to be more careful from now on to avoid this."

"I promise I will Z" he says. "Can I.. can I hug you?" He asked.

I didn't bother replying. I just hugged him. We both needed it. I'm still not feeling back to normal, but at least me and Dante are good now.

We separate and he sits in the edge of my bed while I get ready nd lay down to sleep. We make small talk reminiscing about our day and talking about what we think I'll do with the rest of my brothers.

Eventually I drift off, but that doesn't last long. Dante may have meant well, but he triggered a lot in me. I was often woken up by being beat, sometimes being used as a human ashtray. The scars are burning just à it all. Silent tears roll down my face while I stare at my ceiling. Why me? Why did I have to go through all that?

A few hours later, Enzo peeks his head in. I look over emotionless, tear stained cheeks as my eyes stopped flowing a while ago. He sits at the edge of my bed.

"Another bad dream?" He asks quietly. I nod, not feeling like speaking. "Want to talk about it?" He continues. I shake my head. I feel now right now. And crying was only made worse because all I wanted to do was call Akira, and grief hit too.

"You know I missed you so much. It physically hurt when you left. I was distant after mom died, but you leaving made me much more quiet. I always wished I could call you, but I didn't even know how" he reveals. I think he's trying to distract me and open up. I appreciate it even if it's just adding to my sadness.

"Dante accidentally scared me earlier. It was an accident and we are fine, but it brought back a lot of bad memories." If he's opening up, I might as well give a little too.

"And that caused a worse dream than usual?"

I nod. "How do you know it was worse?"

"No offense, you don't look okay" he revealed. Harsh but true.

"Yeah. And to be honest it was made worse because I wanted to call Akira, but I can't. And I will never be able to again, which makes it so much worse."

"I know that feeling. I'm sorry. I hate that you lost another person close to you" he empathizes.

We sit in silence. "Do you want to try to get more sleep?" He asks. I pause. I want more sleep, but I am not ready for to face my dreams again.

Enzo patiently waited for me to answer as I thought about it. "I can skip the gym if you want. Stay so you can sleep longer."

He'd do that for me? The gym is his space. I'd love to sleep peacefully, but I don't want to take that away from him. He sees my conflicting thoughts on my face and makes the decision for me. "Can I lay?" He asks. He lays down next to me while keeping his space.

I'm stunned. My heart feels a little warmer now. I never would've expected Enzo to be such a a safe person for me.

Without thinking, I was hugging him close and falling back to sleep snuggling him, savoring the feeling of calm and safety.