Found and Forgotten

Chapter 29

Zeta POV

I woke up panting. Another dream about that disgusting guy. Massimo is still sleeping next to me. I thought he would make the bad dreams go away, but I guess I'm too triggered right now. I can't help but think how bad it would've been had I been alone. I look over to see Mass snuggling Boone. I quietly giggle and take a pictures. I guess 'Mr. I hate Dogs' doesn't hate the puppy so much after all.

I decide to leave them be and go to the gym and work out. Half way through my workout, Enzo walks in as I'm about to start working with the punching bag. Though he doesn't really show it, I can sense he's surprised to see me. I can see he's observing me.

"Though you were with Mass?" He questions.

"I was. Woke up and couldn't sleep. Didn't want to wake him so I came to work out." I decided not to mention the dream. Sometimes it's exhausting having to talk things out all the time.

"Bad dream?" He questions. I just nod. He gets the hint that I don't want to talk about it.

"Wanna spar?" He asks. I smirk and reply, "let's go."

I know Enzo is trying to distract me, and I really appreciate it. When I'm fighting, I am focused and all the running thoughts stop. Plus, I get to spend time with Enzo which I enjoy.

We did three rounds. He beat me twice, but I won one too. It was actually a lot of fun. Enzo seems to always know what I need.

I go back to my room to shower before breakfast. Before I head down I stop at Gianni's door. I open it and let him know that I haven't decided if I've forgiven him or not, but I'm willing to give him a redo of our outing.

He seemed shocked and gave me a huge hug. He told me he's been planning all night, which made me feel better about my decision to have a do over. He told me we would go out tomorrow, which sounds good. I'm too emotionally drained to do anything.

Breakfast was mostly uneventful. I showed everyone the pic of Massimo cuddling Boone and everyone laughed. Massimo tried to steal the phone and delete it, but gave up once he realized I already sent it to everyone.

I returned to my room with Boone and flopped on the bed. I wasn't exaggerating when I said I was drained. My mind is somehow both numb and racing at the same time. I'm just staring at the wall. All I want to do is call Akira right now.

The tears start flowing because I know I can't. She was a once in a lifetime friend. She understood me more than anyone and there is no one I need more than her right now. I would be able to cry to her and recount the events at the ice rink. She would've been able to actually understand and comfort me.

I know my brothers are trying, but they don't really understand. It's not their fault, but I just wish so much she was here.

My tears are now uncontrollable. I hear a knock at my door. Shit. I must not have been paying attention to how loud I was crying.

Xander walks in. "Z, everything alri--" he stops asking when he sees me. "Hey, it's okay" he always softly engulfing me in his arms. I hug him like my life depends on it. I cry and cry until I feel like I can't anymore. Xander just holds me and shushes me in a comforting way.

"Talk to me, bambina" Xander said as I was still sniffling.

"I just really miss her" I said quietly.

"Who?" He asked.

"Akira. She's the one person who could help me right now and I can't even go to her." I explained. He held me tighter as I continued, "Life has been too much lately. I like being here with you guys but so much change has been a lot. Not to mention most of you are so hot and cold. There's been so much conflict. I'm missing her and my adoptive parents constantly and now the ice rink incident. I feel so scared and weak. I feel so anxious and on edge. There's a constant knot in my stomach and I just can't stop crying. You guys will never truly understand, but she would. She would understand how bad my anxiety is getting under all this stress. She would listen to me and just understand instead of trying to make me feel differently. She's the only one I want right now and she's dead. Dead. She was a once in a lifetime friend and I doubt I'll ever have the person again. Do you know how hard that is? To have someone who truly understands you and is always there for you. Someone who knows everything about you and now she's dead. Gone. And I miss her so much" I end sobbing again.

Xander holds me while I cry, rubbing my back and rocking us a bit to try and soothe me.

"I'm so sorry, Z. You shouldn't have had to go through so much. I wish I could bring her back. I know I can't replace her, but we will all keep trying our best."

I appreciate his words, but I don't think any words are going to help my mental state right now. I'm trying to calm down, but I just can't.

Xander walks me through deep breaths until the tears stop and I'm sniffling once again.

"C'mon" he says.

"Where?" I ask.

"You'll see. Dress comfy and meet me at my room" he says.

I am already in leggings and a tshirt so I just throw on some fuzzy socks and make my way to Xander's room where I will be stealing one of his giant hoodies.

I knock on his door and he says "ready already?" I don't bother responding as I walk past him into his closet for a sweatshirt. Once I put it on, I say "ready now." He gives me a joking look of disapproval, but I can see the smile forming on his face.

"Let's go" he says as he leads me through the house to his car.

"Where are we going?" I ask

"For a drive. I think staying in your room is only going to make you feel worse and I figured you wouldn't want to answer any questioning looks from our brothers when they see your puffy 'just-having-cried' face, so I figured a nice distraction is in order." I smile and thank him.

"I'll never replace your friend, but I can try to help you in my own way" he stated.

After a small moment of silence, I look over and say "thank you, Xan."

"Anytime, kid" he replies as we continue to drive.

I'm already feeling slightly better. First, we get Starbucks and stop at a gas station for a bunch of snacks. We drive around before we get some fast food for dinner. We talk about random things and he even gets me to laugh a little. It doesn't fix everything. Honestly, it doesn't fix most things. But, he does help me feel a little lighter even if only temporarily.

We end the night at a drive in movie with a bunch of candy and sugary drinks. By the end of the movie I'm starting to drift in and out.

"Sleep, kid. I'll wake you before we go in. We can have watch movies till you fall back asleep." Xander coaxes me.

So I sleep. True to his word, he made sure to wake me up. We got through 1.5 movies in the cinema room before I drift off into a blissful, dreamless sleep, feeling safer and lighter with my older brother near.