Found and Forgotten

Chapter 28

Gianni POV

I've been awake in my room all night. The guilt is eating me alive. I have been pushing Zeta away because my father convinced me we were better without her. I was so convinced that reading her and annoying her just became my nature. I was always letting her know she didn't belong here.

I went out with her to skating because Massimo said I had to. I've been to that place a thousand times. It was always safe. I may not want her around, but I didn't want her hurt. I felt a weird feeling of protectiveness over her when I heard what that guy did. Honestly, I wanted to skin him alive.

That's not the only reason I feel guilty. She was upset because I was refusing to treat her like what she is: family. I'm an idiot. I know my dad said we are better without her, but I should've realized she's not going anywhere like Enzo said.

I don't think she's going to forgive me. And I don't blame her. But based on my current state, I know I have to apologize and try to get to know her. On her time of course. I need to fix this before it's too late. If it is not too late.

I'm going crazy in my room and begin pacing. I can't take the guilt. I need to talk to Zeta to see if I can fix this at all. But I don't want to wake her. I've been pacing my room for an hour due to my anxiousness. These are all foreign feelings to me, making this all so much harder for me. But oh well. I'm not the victim here and I can't afford to let myself feel like one.

I decide to go downstairs to get a drink. I need to calm down if I'm going to talk to Zeta. The walk to the kitchen helps my mind to start racing. I'm starting to get irrational thoughts, which isn't helping any of us.

I stop dead in my tracks when I see Zeta in the kitchen, getting a drink herself. I take her in for a moment and see the bruises forming around her neck. I see the bloodshot, puffy eyes that prove she's been crying. And I see her knuckles that show she's a fighter. Regardless of everything, I'm so proud she fought that creepy scum off. She's so strong.

"Hey" I say. She looks at me wearily. I deserve that. "can we talk?" I ask. It's now it never. She reluctantly nods and Im so thankful. I walk towards her but she takes a step back. She's clearly not comfortable with me. My guilt is heightened, but I deserve it.

I stay silent not really knowing where to start. She gets up and starts to leave. As she's almosr halfway down the hall, I say "wait" and she pauses.

"I'm so sorry" I say. She turns around but still maintains distance.

"What are you sorry for?" She asks.

"I'm sorry for not protecting you. I'm sorry for abandoning you and not spending time with you. I'm sorry for being mean and pushing you away since the moment you got here. Everything. I know it's unfair to ask for forgiveness, but I want to try and earn it. " I spill out. It's not enough. Words cannot describe how sorry I really am.

"Why?" She asks and I'm confused. "Why what?" I reply.

"Why are you sorry now? If it's just because of what happened, save it. I don't need your pity and sorry just because I got hurt while you were supposed to protect me. Im not forgiving you just because you feel guilty" she replies. I feel worse, but she's not wrong.

"I deserve that. And maybe my guilt is driving this. But Zeta, I mean it. I know I've been wrong since day 1. When we found out about your past, I wanted to kill every one of those people. Every day after you left for years, our father told me we were better off without you burdening us. It's not true, but when you are told that repeatedly you start to believe it. So when you came here, I thought negatively of you. I pushed down any feelings of care and protectiveness because I felt like I shouldn't be feeling this way. But now I know that I need to stop repressing these feelings. I do love and care about you. I was just following what I was conditioned to think. Maybe if I was mean to you, you would go away. You'd be safe and we wouldn't be burdened by your safety. But now it is clear to me that keeping you safe isn't a burden. It's something I want to do. To protect you from everything you've been and will go through. Because that's what you do for family. I'm sorry I didn't see that sooner" I let it all out.