Where My Love Went - A Novella

Chapter Eighteen - Darkness

Josephine

"Go back to sleep." Will whispers against my cheek as he places a kiss there.

I smile softly before stretching my arms above my head and peeling my eyes open. Will wears a Colorado Hockey hoodie with a pair of black joggers and running shoes. I glance at the alarm clock and groan. "You weren't kidding when you said you had to be up early."

He chuckles and leans forward on the mattress, caging me in with his palms on either side of me. "There's cereal in the pantry, or if you want to wait I can make something when I get back."

"Okay." I whisper, placing my hand on his arm. "Have fun."

"I'll be back by ten at the latest." He leans forward to kiss my forehead. "There's a remote in the drawer for the TV if you want to watch something in here."

I smile. "I'll be fine by myself, Will."

"I know, I just..."

I stroke his arm with my thumb. "I think you're forgetting that I've lived on my own for the last five years."

Will nods. "I'll be back." He says, pecking my lips once before walking out of the room. I hear the front door shut a minute later.

I try and fall back to sleep but it's no use, I'm wide awake now. I roll out of bed and walk into the en-suite bathroom, where I do my business and then crank the shower on.

Showering has never been a problem for me but as the water runs down my hair, pulling the weight of it back, something happens.

My eyes shut tightly as the feel of someone's hands on me takes over my body. It's his hands.

"No, stop it." I mutter, tilting my head to the side. My hands reaches out to touch the tile. Tile. He doesn't have tile showers.

"He's not here. You're fine." I tell myself.

"Sweetheart..." A voice whispers in my ear.

"You're not real." I shake my head as water gets into my eyes.

"Hold still."

"No!" My hand finds the nozzle and I flip it off, making the stream of water stop. I choke on my breath as tears roll down my cheeks.

The dark feeling that surrounded me is gone, and it's just me alone in the shower again. I lean my back against the cool tile while I catch my breath. Several minutes pass before I wrap a large fluffy towel around my body and dry myself off. I find a little bit smaller towel to wrap around my hair and sit on the toilet with the lid down. With my hands on my knees, I close my
eyes and regain my composure.

After a few more minutes, I stand up and brush my teeth before heading back into Will's room. I open the drawer to his nightstand to look for the remote when I spot something else.

My stomach churns at the toy that rolled forward. It's hot pink with a few rhinestones on it.

"Oh, gosh." I slowly sit down on the bed, still wrapped in my towel. Nausea coils in my stomach. I take a deep breath and push the feeling down.

It's not that I was naive enough to think he hasn't had sex. Of course he has, he's a twenty-six year old man and he had a long-term girlfriend. He's not religious, so it's not like he's waiting for marriage. But seeing the evidence makes my head hurt.

He had a life before I came back crashing into it.

I've never even had sex. How is he gonna handle that? I mean he's got damn sex toys in his drawers, for Pete's sake.

I slide to my knees in the floor and open the second drawer. I know I shouldn't, but I just can't help myself.

There's random contents in this one. A computer charger. A journal. A heating pad. A water bottle. Menstrual medicine. This was her side.

I take a deep breath and stand up, walking around the bed to the other side, I pull open the drawers of Will's side. There's random things in the top one. An extra phone charger, AirPods, etcetera.

My heart rate picks up when I open the bottom drawer and the first thing I see is a box of condoms. I pull the box out with shaky hands. It's half empty.

"Okay." I breathe out. "I'm fine." I reassure myself.

I glance around the room as irrational thoughts enter my mind. Before I can stop myself, I'm pulling open all of his drawers. I stop when I pull open the top drawer of his dresser.

A pair of leggings, a t-shirt, and multiple pairs of socks sit on top. "Oh my god, she has a drawer." I rummage around in it, finding two pairs of sweatpants, some athletic shorts, and then her underwear. "Oh my god, I went through a girl's underwear drawer." I go to slam the drawer shut when I spot something lacy. I can't help myself from reaching and pulling out a lacy bra, with a matching thong.

I feel like I'm a home wrecker. I ruined this girl's life. She has lingerie here.

Now I'm imagining his hands on her. Her hands on him. Both of them naked, doing things that couples do.

"I'm gonna be sick."

***

"Where have you been?!" Rachel shrieks in my ear. "I've been calling you for a week. You got arrested?!"

"It's a long story."

"I've got time."

"I'll explain everything later, I promise. I need you to do me a favor." I lock myself in the bathroom of the cafe I'm currently in.

"Oh, you ignore me and then expect me to do you a favor."

"Rachel." I say firmly before sighing. "Please."

She sighs too. "What do you need?"

"You don't get to ask any questions, okay?"

That gets me a scoff. "Josi-"

"Rachel, promise me."

She hesitates before saying, "I promise."

"Cross your heart?"

"Cross my heart."

I nod. "Okay. On the top shelf of my closet there's a shoe box. There's money in it. Tonight, I need you to meet me at the Dairy Queen parking lot in Hudsonville."

"How much?"

"All of it."

"Why Hudsonville?"

"No questions." I remind her.

"Sorry."

I rub my temples. "Meet me at noon."

"I'll be there."