Where My Love Went - A Novella

Chapter Twenty : Sex

Will

"Will?"

I stop combing my fingers through Jo's hair and glance down at her. "Yeah?" I whisper.

She pushes herself off my chest and sits up. "Teach me about sex."

My brows knit together. "You took sex ed for three years."

Jo shakes her head with a nervous chuckle. "That's not what I mean." She traces my collarbone with her fingertip. "That night my mom worked the night shift... We both learned things that night. I've never felt so safe with you as I did during that. We were so vulnerable."

All I can do is nod.

"Teach me like that."

"Joey, we don't have to-"

"I want to." She sits up completely. "With you. Someday. Not today, but, there are other things. Things we've done before."

"Come here." I sit up against the headboard and wrap my arm around Jo's waist, pulling her into me. "We can talk about it all you want, you can ask me any questions you have, but I'm not gonna touch you."

She pushes off of me. "Will-"

"You're not ready for that." I tuck a fallen strand of hair behind her ear. "Come on, Joey, you know you aren't."

She nods her head. "Yes, I am."

I cup her cheek with my palm. "Joey.." With a sigh, I continue. "I get it. A lot has happened this past week, you're probably overwhelmed. You said that just two weeks ago you could barely talk to a guy, so why are you rushing into this?"

"Because you're not just a random guy hitting on me. You're you. You're Will." Her eyes glass over with tears.

"Are you only doing this because you think I won't want to be with you if we don't?"

Jo opens her mouth but then closes it before opening it again. "No, I..." She's silent for a moment, but just a moment. "I just want to feel normal."

"You can feel normal without having sex."

She stands up. "How? We don't go on dates like we used to, we just sit around here and go to the police station."

I sit up. "Jo-"

"No. I'm the boss of me, not you. You don't know what I'm ready for, only I do." I open my mouth to speak, but she storms out of the room.

I huff and climb out of bed, following after her. "Where are you going?"

"I'm sleeping on the couch."

"Oh, no you're not." I grab hold of her wrist and spin her around, her chest crashes into mine. Her eyes are glossed over in tears. I cup her cheeks. "Please, Joey. Trust me on this." I press my forehead to hers. "I don't want you to regret it."

"I won't." Her voice cracks.

I sigh and step back, removing my hands from her. "Believe that all you want, but I'm not touching you tonight."

"Will-"

"No." I shake my head. "Sex has to be consensual for all people involved, and I'm saying no." With a sigh, I say, "I'll be in bed and if you decide to join me, I'll be waiting with open arms. If not then..." I fade off with a shrug. "Then that's on you."

I leave the door open to my room and climb back in bed where I lie awake for what feels like hours, staring at the ceiling. It's her decision to be out there, not mine. I tell myself that three times before huffing and throwing the comforter off me and pushing off the bed.