All About Love

Closed Eyes See You

A warm hand holds mine, engulfing it in complete shelter from the autumn coldness. I look to my side to face a bright and gentle smile being reflected in my hazel eyes. I like what I see. My cold heart is ironically melting even in such cold weather.

With dark brown wavy short hair and a pair of similar hazel eyes, your kind and warm look has enchanted me. I won't resist your spell though. I like the way I feel warm around you. The unconditional warmth of yours has saved me from the biting cold that has always been eating away at my soul. How can I not be thankful for your existence? Haha....it feels nice.

A hot cup of coffee enters my view as I become dazed in your thoughts. The soft and moist steam fogs my spectacles, though I don't mind. I carefully take the cup from your hand and take a small sip. This is perfect. The beautiful view of nature and a hot cup of coffee.....I can't get any greedier. I'm afraid to get greedy and lose all the precious things you have shown and given me. It's not worth it.

I can't help but look at you secretly. I wonder till when you are going to be by my side? Your kind eyes, your gentle smile and your warm embrace.....I'm getting addicted to them. It'd be nice if it lasts just this lifetime too.

A drop of water plops on my nose. Startled, I looked up at the sky. Unknown to my unaware self, the sky has been covered by huge grey clouds. The next second, a wide hand is near my nose and a broad thumb gently wipes away the drop of water that had crashed on it. A smooth deep voice enters my ear as you ask, "Shall we return to the car?"

I do not want to. But I won't say it. I won't say that I never want to leave you. I won't say that the time I get to spend with you is never enough. I won't.....tell you to stay by my side forever. I'll hide my longing in my heart. It's fine though. It is not hurting me. Rather.....this longing gives me hope. Hope that I will meet you the 'next time' you always mention. I love looking forward to all your 'next time'.

The simple white car that you had gotten from years of hard work is now drenched in rain water and fallen autumn leaves. Simple as it is.....it is just as precious to me. The moment this familiar car pulls up at my doorstep, pulls up to my longing heart as I wait, the joy it carries over has always been indescribable. Your bright look as you open its door for me leaves me with a soft feeling every time without fail. Just like now. I step inside with reluctance but still with a lovely hope. It's....nice to hang between comfort and chaos.

As you drive me back home, I look at the pouring rain outside the car window. Lost in thoughts, I lean against it and feel the cold temperature against my reddened cheek. Suddenly, a soft texture brushes against my cheek facing your side. I look towards the feeling to see a soft pink scarf in your outstretched hand. I question with my puzzled eyes. With a smiling voice you say, "Wrap it around your neck. You'll get a cold or else."

I look on with fondness at the small smiling arc on your not-so-maintained lips; forgetting to take the scarf from your hand. With confusion, you look my way and urge, "Take it?" Getting out of my trance, I take the scarf with a smile and softly whisper a thank you. Such gentle care....I wonder whether I deserve it?

Wrapping the scarf, I feel my body warm up a bit. I close my eyes to not watch our meet up end. I do not wish to watch the road come closer to my house. I do not wish to watch this be over....not even for a moment. Should I just say it out loud? Just as I was thinking, a surprised look turned back my way. Startled, I realised.....I had said it out loud. You looked at me with a look of pleasant surprise in your eyes. Hahaha.....you look adorable. Should we, I ask, take the long way to my home?

You smile so brilliantly as if my blurted out words touched your heart. If they did....I'm glad to bring you happiness. Your hazel pupils hide behind the crescent of your eyelids as you happily turn the car back to take the long way home.

A little more....just a bit more time with you.

The soft scarf around my neck gives off your unique gentle smell. Closing my eyes yet again, I doze off thinking about our wholesome moments. It's really surprising sometimes how my mind is always filled with you.

Then it's over. Finally. As you pull up to my house's doorstep and gently shake my body to wake me up....it comes to an end. I look at you in my sleepy daze and reach out my hand to touch your beautiful face that holds a tender smile with a hint of indulgence in it.

"Honk!" the car behind let out a loud impatient honk. I blinked in surprise and then there was yet again nothing where my hand reached out. It feels like the end of a movie I had seen before. The cold yet again wraps around me with force. There was no scarf warming my neck and no cup of hot coffee I had been holding all the while.

It was not real and you don't exist. Yet again I am reminded of that fact. With a smile on my face I looked out the car window I was driving until I decided to take a nap by the side of the road. Hahaha....surprisingly it was raining. I couldn't help but be in a good mood though my heart had yet again been frozen to a stone.

I drove home, dazed all the way. Getting out of my car, I do not mind getting drenched under the rain as I stand in a trance looking at the driving seat....wondering if I will see you sitting there and watching me with a smile. The pouring rain flows through my face as if letting out the tears I would never shed. After all....who would I shed it for?

After all.....my closed eyes see you....in a world that doesn't exist.....