Love Heals PS. I'll Always Love You (Soulmates #1)

Shaheer

I was crying uncontrollably unable to tell her about the miscarriage myself before the doctor did. And coincidently it was exactly two months since it happened.

I was still not over it.
I was mourning over our baby.
Deep in grief and pain.
I had no idea what would it do to her.
I cried and cried in a corner until she found me and consoled me.

I was pulled out of my trance when she finally opened up about everything.
I unwrapped myself from her arms put my arm around her shoulder and held her hand as she spoke.

"Whats that panda" I asked my voice hoarse from crying.

"Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of PMS that includes physical and behavioural symptoms that usually resolve with the onset of menstruation. PMDD causes extreme mood shifts that can disrupt work and damage relationships. Symptoms include extreme sadness, hopelessness, irritability or anger, plus common PMS symptoms"

Dread filled my stomach. It was exactly how she felt during her PMs.

I mustered some more strength.

"Hmm then go on.." I said squeezing her hand lightly.

"The doctor told me to consult a psychiatrist cause I might have developed it due to some trauma and therapy and antidepressants would help with it...
I went to the doctor and she ran some tests and..."
Tears leaked her eyes.

She had bipolar
I knew.

A disorder associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs.
Manic episodes include symptoms such as high energy, reduced need for sleep and loss of touch with reality. Depressive episodes may include symptoms such as low energy, low motivation and loss of interest in daily activities. Mood episodes last days to months at a time and may also be associated with suicidal thoughts.

I wiped at her eyes and kissed her forehead.
"What trauma sweetheart?" I asked her gently.

I knew she had been through abuse but by whom and how she never opened up about it.

"Promise me first you will listen to me till the end and remain calm"
"Promise sweetheart " I assured her caressing her hair.

"I have been emotionally and physically abused by the people who were supposed to protect me and love me the most....."

Who was she talking about?!
She sobbed and I rubbed her back soothingly my heart breaking for her.

" my parents..

All I could see was red now.
She always cried about her mom shouting at her but since he had amazing parents he thought maybe she cried because she was sensitive he could never imagine this in his dreams...

He froze.
" they were never there... when I was sick had my first period I was always the child waiting last at school and hour after school ended waiting for them "

My heart ached for her.
My parents were always there for me no matter what at all times.

" they use to vent all their anger and frustration from work on me. Shouting yelling eventually they started throwing things at me and beat me ... hit me with a phone...."
She cried.
Tears leaked from my eyes too as I held her in my arms as she lay her soul bare in front of me.

"One day it got too extreme I got too scared and tried to run to my room and my grandfather pinned me down on the floor...i felt so scared shaheer so bad so disgusted I shouted and ran locked myself in my room. My dad broke the door and then banged my head against the wall I took it all... I've had panic and anxiety attacks since and insomnia I relived it in my head for months. I self-harmed myself to pull myself out of it only the physical pain was able to snap me out of it. I tried to kill myself a hell of a lot of times... things got better in high school and then I got you..."
I knew she self-harmed I could never understand it until now.
She took off her bottoms and showed her thighs to me tracing her scars... there were too many...
I took her hand.
Tears leaked from my eyes as I kissed all of them.
She was crying silently too overwhelmed from all the horrible memories.

My heart was breaking at the sight in front of my eyes.

She stared into a blank space a hand over her throat and tears leaking from her eyes like a tap continuously.

My heart hurt for her. For everything she had to go through alone. My girl was too strong. I couldn't have survived all of that.

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled kissing her hand which was in mine.
She squeezed my hand. She was hurting too much right now. Her heart was physically and emotionally hurting. She was in physical and emotional pain.

I was too shocked and disturbed from everything to be angry...

I looked at the love of my life, blank not knowing what to do how to help her.

I watched as she slid down the floor holding her stomach and silently screaming and writhing in pain.

I couldn't see her like this but I knew I had to be strong for her.

I gently lay her head on my lap and caressed her face and hair trying to make her something apart from her pain.

"Shhh it's ok it's over now I'm here for you I'm with you as long as I'm here with you no one can hurt you... you're safe with me everything is okay" I cooed.

For a few minutes, I felt so helpless absolutely not knowing what to do or how to help her...
I felt so angry and frustrated all I could see was red now.

Finally when she relaxed under my touch & I saw blood flowing down her arm.

She had scratched herself involuntarily...

I immediately sucked on it stopping the bleeding it wasn't too deep but I was too scared.....