The Monsters Among Us ➳ Daryl Dixon

48. The Circle and The Triangle

From there, we walked.

The tracks, we knew, led to a road nearby, so we began to follow them. Glenn and Maggie headed the group, with one of the newcomers, Tara – who had apparently been alongside Philip at the prison. I didn’t hold it against her. What right did I have to judge her for that, of all things? Besides, I knew Phillip well enough to know he had a distinctly manipulative nature. The likelihood this Tara had been at the Prison out of any real malice was next to zero, so I didn’t let the knowledge bother me.

Besides, I had other things to be concerned about.

As we began our journey down the train line, the formation of our little group began to take on a rather distinctive form. Glenn, Maggie, and Tara moved along at the head, followed by Michonne, Carl, and Judith. Behind them walked Daryl and Carol, with Sasha, Bob, and Tyreese following close, and the new group behind them. Rick lingered at the back, pausing momentarily to cross out the signage on the rail notice that directed people towards the Terminus with a black marker that he got from… Somewhere?

I, on the other hand, was left to stroll along at the very rear of the group. At first, I thought nothing on it. It wasn’t uncommon for me to take the back, to keep watch behind, and I didn’t allow myself to think this was anything different.

Until we stopped to rest the night, and everyone continued to keep clear of me. They spoke amongst themselves, as usual, and passed around what little we had – bits of dried jerky and a can of beans – but none of them offered any to me. Not even Daryl.

I leant against a tree on the outskirts of the group, watching each of them with a keen eye, my arms crossed tightly over my chest.

Maggie and Glenn stayed close, holding one another as they got themselves comfortable. At one point, I could swear I heard my name muttered between them and saw Maggie glance in my direction with a taut and thoughtful frown, but the moment I glanced over to her, she averted her gaze. My heart felt as if it had dropped through the heels of my feet and into the ground itself.

Rick spoke momentarily with Tara, reiterating what I had thought earlier – that her presence alongside the Governor didn’t change who she was. He forgave her so easily that I felt my own chest begin to tighten. Would he forgive me with such ease? I had saved them back there, sure, but the more my mask began to slip, the more I realized just what I had put on display.

The things I could do weren’t so easily explained away by the manipulative men I’d met in my life. They were part of me. Even before my life had been overrun by faerie bullshit, my ability to kill had been integral to who I was. It had near been all I thought I could be. To keep Her safe, it had been what I had needed to become. The only thing I was.

Perhaps it was just the same now. This was simply what I needed to be, to keep them safe, even if it frightened them. Even if it made them hate me.

#

I couldn’t sleep.

Each time I felt my eyes begin to flutter closed, my mind would conjure an image of the next morning; of waking up amongst the trees only to find the rest of them had continued on without me. Thankfully, as exhausted as everyone was, no one questioned when I volunteered to keep watch. And, in the morning, no one questioned why I hadn’t woken any of them to take over.

We simply continued on.

I debated mentioning the rustling sounds I’d heard in the nearby distance sometime when the moon had passed overhead but elected against it. The sound hadn’t been close enough to concern me, and, in all likelihood, was probably just the glasithinn, or some other small critter running through the underbrush. My mind was too preoccupied to focus on it for long, a swirl of shadow and blood that made my heart ache just as much as my head.