Throwing Shadows (A Mialotte Story)

Chapter Four

For a day or so, Charlotte's life is back to normal. Her girls are home, bringing all their chaos and noise. She's back at the nursery where she belongs and Marjorie is back to speaking to her.

She knows there are still things left unsaid. Charlotte has noticed the way Marjorie glances down at her naked ring finger when she thinks she isn't looking. She's caught a worried expression on her face when parents bring up other parents' relationships in the drop-off queue. But, now, Charlotte doesn't care.

None of it matters. Not now. Not anymore.

Not until some poor little lamb, clearly uncomfortable and unwell with suspicious looking spots all over her face, is dragged into the pre-school room by her ignoramus of a mother only to be sent straight back home.

Not until, suddenly, Carly's got the OK to be in ratio on her own and Charlotte is being summoned for Marjorie's office for 'a chat'.

Not until she's there, in the office, with Reece standing awkwardly in the doorway making stupid, suggestive comments about her and Mia.

Here goes nothing.

It hurts her a little that Reece assumes Mia only wanted her for sex. Or that she would have moved on so quickly after her break-up. It hurts, Charlotte thinks, that Reece sees Mia in that way. As some kind of sexual manipulator, someone who uses her femininity to charm and to control.

That isn't the Mia she knows.

That isn't the Mia who laid with her in that bed, talking for hours about their lives.

That Mia hates using her body. That Mia has memories, painful memories, of putting herself into those positions only to do the bidding of a man she despises. That Mia has only just broken free of the 20-year, agonising cycle of suppressing her own wishes and desires to chase a false promise.

As Reece makes jokes, much to Marjorie's frustration, Charlotte's mind wanders back to that night in Mia's bed. To what was said as they laid, fully clothed, under the covers.

"You know the worst part?" Mia had asked in the darkness. "Aside from Reece and suppressing my entire sexuality for the sake of Roger, I don't even like childcare. It's never been something I enjoyed. I was just forced into it to keep an eye on Reece."

"What do you want to do? Now you have the choice?"

"I honestly don't know. It all feels so overwhelming. But I have just enough saved up to find out." Mia had sighed, then, her head tilted back on her pillow. "Maybe I'll find myself again in the process."

Maybe I'll find myself again too, Charlotte had thought. It was then that she had felt Mia's hand brush against hers, turning her palm and linking their fingers together with a light squeeze.

Even in the present moment, the memory makes Charlotte smile.

Marjorie, for one, notices straight away.

"Mia's gay? I spent 20 years with a lesbian?" Unfortunately, Reece's voice breaks through their moment. "Well, that explains all the three-"

Marjorie's shock at Reece's words is palpable. Charlotte turns her head away, partly to give the couple a moment to themselves and partly to avoid giving away that she already knew everything Reece is talking about. She knows everything about Mia's attempts to keep herself sane for 20 years. The threesomes, the talk of open relationships, the inviting of various waitresses and friends-of-friends back to their place for a night of no-strings fun on a birthday or special occasion.

She knows that Mia had girlfriends on the side. Girls she could call when Reece was working away or when they broke up for all of two weeks before Roger got in her head again. She knows that it was never enough. Never serious, never more than a fling.

She knows that, after every time a girl would join them in the bedroom, Mia would sneak off to the bathroom and cry into a towel so Reece wouldn't hear. She would cry until she felt numb; until she could put that side of herself back in a box and ignore her racing heart and her tingling skin. And then she would brush her teeth, wipe off her makeup and slide into bed hoping that it might just have been the last time.

Charlotte knows they both have a lot to work through. A twenty-year on and off relationship, a ten-year marriage, and everything in between is a lot to deal with. But Charlotte sees, in that moment, just how lucky they are to understand each other. To be able to work through these things together. No judgement. No daft comments. No manipulation needed.

"Well, I'm happy for you." Marjorie manages to say between shooting scathing glares at Reece. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to have a chat with this man-child over here."

As Charlotte leaves the office and wishes Reece good luck, she only has one thought on her mind.

I can't wait to tell Mia about this.