Throwing Shadows (A Mialotte Story)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Even by the time Charlotte walks into work on Monday, her mind is still focused on Mia. On their kiss. On everything about it. Her fingers continually reach for the heart-shaped necklace she wears; the same one that Mia also has. For the most part she can get away with it, particularly when she isn't around Reece who is annoyingly and surprisingly the most observant of everyone at the nursery.

"Does it have any meaning?"

Of course, one of the agency staff would notice her necklace. Charlotte stumbles over her words as she explains how it reminds her of her, ahem, 'friend'. Almost instantly, her senses are back in her living room on Saturday night, the redhead's lips chasing her own as they kissed desperately, only parting to breathe when they really had to.

"You alright Charlotte?" Marjorie's voice gives Charlotte a jolt. They're back on speaking terms, back on a level of understanding, but she's still wary given everything that happened. She still hasn't forgotten that, despite the excuses and the history, Mia did some pretty terrible stuff and had even cut Marjorie and Reece's first romantic getaway in half.

"Yes. I... I'm fine. How are you?"

Marjorie peers through her glasses for a moment before collecting herself. "I'm fine. Just, while I've got you, I did want to ask you something." Charlotte can't help but brace herself. "Reece's cousin has got two kids about the same age as your two. And we've been invited to the birthday party for the little girl. So I went into town to get her something- I was thinking about a nice outfit for her- but I couldn't find much at all. I ended up getting her some arts and crafts stuff instead but, if I wanted to maybe get a nice top or something for her for Christmas, where would you recommend? All I could find was crop tops, but she's 6. It just felt a bit... risqué. Your girls are always dressed lovely, so I just thought I'd ask so that I know for the future."

Charlotte knows the struggle all too well. Kid's clothes are a minefield. The girls' clothes are pink, purple or rainbow. The boy's clothes are blue and green. If you don't like Stitch, Frozen, Peppa Pig, Spiderman or dinosaurs, the options are pretty limited. Or they were. Until Charlotte had discovered the holy grail whilst on a food shop.

"Asda."

"Oh right?"

"They always have nice bits in. And not too expensive, either. My other go to is H&M for Ava because she's so tall and skinny."

"Lucky thing." Marjorie quips. "But thanks. I'll take a look on the Asda website, then. Thank you."

"No worries. Although, I can't say I've bought much recently. It's mainly Vinted and charity shops if the girls need anything at the moment, so I might be a little out of the loop."

If Charlotte had made that comment to anyone else, it would have passed them by. Marjorie, however, is far more astute than she sometimes makes out. She leans in close, speaking in a quieter tone. "Is money alright my love?"

Charlotte shrugs. "I'm getting there, but it's not 100%. We can get by for now. I just worry about what's around the corner. Especially when we actually divorce."

"Well, I'm always here if you need anything. And if you need a bit of extra cash, I know some of our SEN parents would snap your arm off for babysitting... if you're not too busy with Mia." Marjorie's eyes cast down towards Charlotte's necklace. "It is nice to see you happy again."

The necklace seems to be the star of the show for the rest of Charlotte's day. Maybe it's the contrast with the deep red top she's wearing (definitely not chosen because it reminds her of a certain someone), or maybe it's the fact that she subconsciously keeps fiddling with it. Either way, it takes approximately 10 minutes from school pick up for Maisie to notice it.

"Mummy, what's that?"

"It's... it's just my necklace, darling. You've seen it before."

"I like it." Charlotte sighs. Maisie is the queen of dropping terrible hints. "Can I try it?"

Charlotte gently undoes the clasp and lifts the necklace away from her. It feels odd to not wear it, even for a moment. "You can. But you have to give it back, okay?"

"Okay."

Maisie leans forward, letting Charlotte brush her dark waves away from her neck as she fastens the necklace around it. "Let me see."

Maisie turns around, holding onto the metal heart at the bottom of the pendant, and smiles. "Mummy. I wanna see. Take a picture."

"Please?"

"Take a picture please."

Charlotte pulls out her phone. The moment she opens her camera, Maisie leans close and grins, bearing her little milk teeth.

"Gorgeous. Now, you can keep it on until dinner, but then it goes back on Mummy's dresser, okay?"

Maisie nods, still fiddling with the metal heart. Charlotte opens her messages and forwards the photo to Mia. She has a couple of unread messages, one from Sorcha. She reads 'just checking in...' and then zones out. That's something she can deal with after the girls have gone to bed, when she has some uninterrupted time to figure out what she's even feeling after the weekend.

Bathtime goes without a hitch. Maisie did as she was asked and put the necklace on Charlotte's dresser before she clambered into the water. After five years of bathing two girls, Charlotte has the routine down to a fine art. She conditions, brushes and rinses their hair before quickly and delicately pulling each girl's mousy locks into two French plaits. They both pick out soft, pink pyjamas and settle, like every night, onto Maisie's fairy princess-covered bed. The story they have been working on for weeks- The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe- is perched on a cushion, an old Disney Princess birthday card marking where they had left off.

Before they read, Charlotte takes a moment. Both girls snuggle in close to her. Ava, as she has since she was a baby, uses her thumb and forefinger to play with the hem of Charlotte's top. Maisie settles on her other side, expertly holding her stuffed bunny comforter and sliding her thumb into her mouth with the same hand. Charlotte wraps an arm around her, rubbing her back for a moment.

They manage a chapter of the story before Ava notices that Maisie has fallen asleep. Charlotte lets her older daughter climb off the bed, leaving her to pad over to her own room while she tucks in her little sister.

Maisie, half-asleep, reaches out for Charlotte's neck and pulls her close, seemingly breathing in as much of her scent as she can. Charlotte places a gentle kiss on her forehead and pulls the covers over her. "I love you, baby girl. Sweet dreams."

She quietly crosses the landing to Ava's room. Ava has settled herself into bed, one of her favourite books open in front of her. Charlotte tiptoes over, brushing back her hair and kissing her on the forehead. "Half an hour, okay? Then lights out." Charlotte knows she will be asleep long before that. "Goodnight, princess."

"Goodnight, mummy." Ava pauses. "Um, Mummy?"

"Yes?" Charlotte braces herself. She can still keep up with most questions, but she knows there are plenty on the horizon she has no idea how to answer.

"Have... have you thought any more about us getting a kitten?"

Charlotte can't help but smile. "Nice try." She shakes her head gently. "Night night."

"Night night, Mummy."

Charlotte leaves the room and gets herself into some comfier clothes. With her makeup off, her bra in the laundry basket and her favourite fluffy socks on, she wanders back downstairs.

The living room, in the dim light of the evening, stalls Charlotte. Apart from a little more clutter, not much has changed since Saturday. In fact, Charlotte thinks she can even still see the imprint of Mia's body where she had leaned back against the couch.

Her mind begins to race, suddenly overwhelmed. Pulling out her phone, Charlotte knows there is something she needs to do. Something she hasn't really dared to approach yet.

She takes a breath and begins to type.

Slowly, suggestions form in the search bar.

Does kissing a woman make me bisexual?

Charlotte presses 'enter' and takes a breath, waiting for the results to appear.