𝐏𝐎𝐄𝐌𝐒 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐃

estranged.

You're the person on this earth I'm supposed to love the most.
I see people hugging and laughing with theirs and it breaks my heart every time

I don't know where it went wrong between us
When you became the person who made me cry the most
And one of the people to have hurt me the most in my life

I don't know when the physical affection stopped
When I stopped pressing kisses to your cheek

The fear that gripped me when I almost lost you the other day was blinding
And numbing
My heart stood still and I bit back tears so much my throat hurt

Yet when I look at you today I can't sit down and talk
I can't sit down and laugh with you
You're like a child to me

One that has stabbed me in the heart so often while smothering me with love through words
I love you yet I can't seem to stand you

You're the person I admire most in the world
That I've cried the most tears for
And the strongest woman I know

But why can't I give you hugs?
Why can't I spontaneously kiss or laugh with you?
The trauma deeply etched into my skin stops me and I'm strangled and held down by the tears I've shed

You discard my feelings so easily to then look in the mirror and focus on yours
You claim to love me and be there for me while you treat me like a clone and an extension of yourself

I feel so fucking estranged
While I exist in your presence every day
Yet I have no clue if you know who I am
Or even see me