𝐏𝐎𝐄𝐌𝐒 𝐈 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐃

little jules

little jules

i do love you
and hold you very tightly to me
whenever i think of you
sadness and happiness fills me

i love the little girl i once was
and i love the confused teenager i was not so long ago
i love the ugly of myself
and the pretty

what i wish to do is go back to fourteen-year-old me and hold her
tell her that everything will be fine

i wish to go back to fifteen and sixteen-year-old me and tell her that the depression will end
and she will heal
and that her stutter doesn't define her
that she will get out of bed and finally do stuff with her friends
and fall in love
and get her heart broken but it's all still beautiful

i wish to go back to seventeen-year-old me and tell her
that she's amazing and beautiful
and capable
i'd tell her to cherish everything she's doing now

i wish to go back to eighteen-year-old me and press a kiss against my cheek
to tell myself she's doing amazing even though some things are confusing and hurting

i wish to go back to nineteen-year-old me and tell her to enjoy her life and the blissful ignorance of everything
i want to tell her that all will fall into place and that the boy she knows will leave a mark in the most beautiful yet painful and haunting way

i look back with love and awe
with a part of me that is healed and is still healing
the same heart is still beating in my chest and i hold it with tenderness
a heart that has experienced and is still experiencing a lot
and will face a lot

i'll still be here. i will never leave. and i will always support myself in the future and have her back
just as all my past selves support me and push me to make them proud
i love little julie
confused, loved, cherished, in pain. parts of me that are still me and make me the person that i am today.
i love her
myself