Repulsive Beauty || Hisoka

11. On Letting Go

The fight was quite a thing to watch, though the power imbalance was obvious. I was just glad to see that Gon had gotten a few minutes to catch his breath as Hisoka gave some sort of 'personality analysis'. I wonder if it's at all accurate. Eventually he got to my aura type.

"Conjurers are high strung and nervous." He stated matter of factly.
He's right.
"Oh and I am a transmuter by the way, both whimsical and a liar. We could become great friends you know, our opposing personalities attract. But I'd be careful if I were you, as transmuters are known to be fickle. What was once treasured can easily become trash."
My stomach sank. He's right.
The fight wrapped up quickly after that, and I was glad to see Gon made it out relatively unharmed.
I stayed in the stands while the audience mostly cleared out. I couldn't help but feel like he was speaking right to me. His voice replayed in my head. 'What was once treasured can easily become trash.' I'd bet money if I asked him if that applies to his love life he'd say yes. How can I possibly come to terms with that? That he could forget me at any moment? It's either accept that as the truth, and be ready for the inevitability of it, or to step away before he has the chance to be the one who runs. Neither of those options sounded appealing.
I decided to go back to my room and maybe do some reading or something to get my mind off of it. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about my options.

The elevator doors opened to my floor, and I wasn't alone. He couldn't have picked a worse time to show his face, frankly. At this point I was holding back tears, but I did my best to ease my feelings and not show him any sign of being upset. I couldn't handle having an honest conversation about this right now.
"Hey?" I questioned.
Why would he even be here? He still had the scuffed mark on his cheek from when Gon landed a hit, but he looks absolutely awful for how little damage he took. His posture was off, any color left in his skin had drained, and he had huge bags under his eyes.
"Hello, kitten.~"
His voice was somehow strained.
Not knowing what to say, and not really wanting to outright ask why he was here, I decided to divert the conversation away from myself.
"Your fight was fun to watch, I'm glad you didn't hurt him too badly."
"He's not ready yet." he said curtly.
His eyes hadn't met mine for more than a second this whole time, and he wasn't offering up any conversation. Why is he here if he didn't have something to say to me?
"Are you okay?" I asked, taking another step towards him and the door leading to my room.
"Yes, I doubt it will even bruise." he said rubbing his cheek.
I think he knew full well that I wasn't talking about the punch.
"Right. Well, uh, would you like to come in?" I offered, despite feeling a little uncertain of how to approach him in this state.
"I would." he said as I opened the door and stepped in.
He stepped in right after me and stayed quiet.
"Welcome, I guess." I said with a stiff chuckle.
His aura was really tense. Not angry or blood lust like but certainly inflamed. I could feel mine start to mimic it.
"Okay. Enough of avoiding my question okay? What the hell is wrong." I said now staring intently at his face, waiting for him to even so much as look up at me.
His aura grew even more wild before his eyes met mine. They were bright and bloodshot, they looked like neon lights.
"That fight took more out of me than I had anticipated. I've never had to hold back like that before." he started to explain.
"Okay and that... stressed you?" I said, not completely seeing the correlation.
"I don't like holding back." he said, now taking a step towards me.
And suddenly he had me pinned to the wall, his face inches from mine.
"I'm not going to fight you just so you can get your kicks, Hisoka." I said with my brows furrowed, before shoving uselessly at his shoulders.
What am I, some kind of stress relief? Go to the gym like the rest of us.
"I don't want to fight you, Tess, I just want to let go.~" his voice returning to its usual warble.
"Let go.? I don-" but I was cut off.
His lips pressed so hard against mine I was sure they'd bruise. Before I could protest in the slightest, he had lifted me by the hips and wrapped my legs around his waist, pressing me against the wall with the full weight of his body.
I was too emotionally weak to deny him. Despite my turmoil, I wouldn't push him away. The thought of not allowing myself the pleasure of his touch made my heart wrench.
Ignoring my inner conflict, I wrapped my arms around his neck and tightened the grip of my legs around his torso.
His teeth on my lips were drawing blood, and his hands were gripping my thighs so tightly I could feel the bruises already forming. He was losing control, and I was encouraging him.
I kissed back with equal hunger and ferocity, grabbing handfuls of hair and digging my nails into his back. The more savage I let myself be, the heavier he started to breath.
His chest was pressing me against the wall so hard I could barely fill my lungs, until he pulled away and walked us towards the bed.
Throwing me down on the bed and pinning me there, he unceremoniously lifted and pulled off my dress completely before yanking his shirt over his head. His mouth went straight for my collar bone, sucking and biting. His hips pressed between mine and ground me into the bed harder as I raked his back and arms with my nails, raising a moan from his throat. With his mouth now at my stomach, nearly gnawing at, he pulled my panties off and quickly replaced them with his hand, palming and pressing.
I was already breathless by the time he stripped of his pants and boxers and was leaned over me again, face over mine.
"Let me let go. Please." he begged, his face and eyes looking desperate as he then slipped two fingers in and massaged my g spot.
Between breaths and moans I was able to meet his eyes and nod. I wanted him to lose himself in me.
His lips smashed into mine again and he rested some of his weight on me before lining himself up and pressing into me.
I couldn't stop the whiny moan from escaping my lips, landing on his.
He wasted no time in picking up his pace, hard and fast like he was starved. Trying not to be too loud, I moved my lips to the crook of his neck, biting down to brace for his movements. He was huffing hard breaths against my neck occasionally stretching down and nipping at my skin.
Without warning he sat halfway up and pinned me down by the throat. It caught me off guard for a moment, and actually hurt before I pushed just enough nen to my neck to combat his strength. Even still, I left myself vulnerable enough to feel the head lightening effects of the lack of blood flow.
His eyes were so dark now, nearly brown. He lifted my leg over his other shoulder and continued crashing his hips to mine.
"You're so good, Tess. So very good. I adore that look on your face.~" His voice was strained and fierce, like I had never heard it.
Desperate for relief, I reached one hand down and circled my clit, the other hand gripping the arm he was using to choke me.
I could barely hear the growl in his throat as I came. I couldn't hardly even moan with his hand pressed on my windpipe like it was. But suddenly he removed it, moving it to grip my jaw and face my eyes to his. As soon as he'd released my neck, whimpers and moans poured out as remnants of my orgasm. I'd never seen him breathing so hard, and with so much hunger in his eyes.
"I want you in my mouth" I begged before I could even think it through.
His eyebrows raised for a moment before pulling out, grabbing my wrists and pulling me out of bed. My legs were still shaking from my own climax, so I sank down to my knees with no protest. Looking up at his face I realized this could be a mistake. His eyes were back to being brighter than the sun, his lips twisted into a smile. Not to mention I hadn't considered how large he was.
Knowing he wouldn't be inclined to be patient, I quickly rested my hands on his thighs before taking the tip of his cock in my mouth. He was already slick from my arousal which made it easy to sink my face towards his hips, taking several inches of him.
With a deep sigh he wove one of his hands into my hair, and the other on the side of my face. It felt like the time to prove something, that I was good in bed I guess. Keeping my eyes on his, I bobbed back up to the tip before sliding it back down, this time taking him nearly completely down my throat.
I could feel him twitch with pleasure, and his hand in my hair tensed up to hold me there for a moment before pulling me away completely, leaving strings of spit between us. I left my mouth open, taking the hint that he wanted some control. I could feel his hesitation.
"It's okay, let go" I reassured him in a near whisper.
With that he pulled my head back in and sunk himself until my nose was pressed to his groin. Despite my permission, reflexes kicked in and I squirmed a bit at the intensity before he pushed his hips against my face one more time and slapped me across the cheek. Tears were welling in my eyes before he pulled out completely. This time I was left coughing for a moment before I could continue. When I looked back up I still had tears in the corners of my eyes, but opened my mouth again for him. Now he was holding my head in place while he thrusted his hips, slipping occasionally down my throat and making me gag and squirm. I could feel how close he was by the way his cock twitched in my mouth, and his hips sputtered as he thrusted. I looked up again to meet his eyes, but his head was rolled back. Desperate for him to cum, I ran my nails from his abs to his groin, and cupped his balls in my hand. Without much more than that, he was at his climax. I braced myself thinking he would finish in my mouth, only he wouldn't. He took it one step further and pulled my head in all the way to his base again, nose pressed to his core, and came down my throat.