Repulsive Beauty || Hisoka

13. On Entitlement

Who knew Hisoka could be so lighthearted? Even if it had only lasted a few minutes, it felt like playing with a childhood friend.

Except naked in the shower together...
It only took a minute of being alone with my thoughts for them to spiral back to reality. Nothing had changed, he is no less fickle than he was. Frankly, this had all just proven just how wildly his feelings could swing from one extreme to another.
Was it possible to just enjoy it for what it is now, without it feeling like a loss in the end? How can he live so fully in just the present? That's a third of a normal person's life. Do I bring it up with him and get a solid answer, so that I at least know what to expect, or would that ruin what we have now? I feel like all I can do is pray for the strength to find happiness, even if I relinquish my control.
"Wow, what a deep shower thought, Tess" I mumbled to myself as I found a towel.
Walking back into the room, I half expected Hisoka to have already left. But he hadn't, he sat at my counter now fully dressed and flipped a card around in his hands.
"Are you trying to be mildly threatening? Or is that just a natural bi-product of you playing." I asked, mostly serious.
"The latter." He said, swiveling the stool to face towards where I stood by my luggage. "Why haven't you unpacked? Don't plan on staying?" he asked.
Trying not to get my hopes up that he was asking for his sake, I shrugged my shoulders.
"I'm not really sure." I admitted. That was the truth.
He was quiet as I slipped on a new pair of underwear and put my dress back on from earlier.
"Your hair looks very pretty by the way." he said, eyes focused on the card he was fiddling with.
"Thanks? I kind of hate it when it's wet." I said.
I shook my head to loosen the clumps of hair that stuck to my skin.
"I meant the color, it's very 'Ice Queen' of you. It looks lovely with your eyes"
Oh. I had forgotten about my earlier impulse to get most of my hair bleached nearly white.
"Oh duh. I forgot I even did that. Thank you"
I came to stand by the counter and watch him play with the card.
Wait.
"Is that my card?" I blurted.
It was the queen of hearts that he had impaled my arm with. What a weird and disturbing thing to be suddenly sentimental about.
"Yours? No, I don't believe it is." he teased. "But I'll let you hold onto it for me." he said, reaching out to hand it to me.
"Than-" I almost said.
But before I could grab it he twisted his wrist and made it disappear. His eyes were resting closed with a smug grin plastered on his face.
"Do you doubt that I'll pat you down?" I threatened, starting with his shoulders and chest.
He hummed and watched me grope at him for a moment before twisting his wrist again and handing the card to me.
I'm not sure why I kept it. It seemed somehow sacrilegious to throw it in the trash. It was a really pretty card, covered in ornate and intricate little drawings surrounding the beautiful queen. It's only imperfection was that it was stained up halfway in blood.
"Why keep it? Seems like a sinister thing to be reminded of."
He's right. It's nothing but a reminder of how he genuinely tried to kill me.
"I'm not sure." I said looking up from the card, "what else was I supposed to do with it?"
"You could sell it, I can't imagine what price it would go for. Maybe then you could afford an interior designer," he mocked.
"Yeah well your room looks like a circus tent." I mumbled under my breath, intentionally childish.
He chuckled and cocked his head.
"How would you decorate it? If you had to I mean."
Why? Is that somehow telling of my personality or something?
"I don't know. More warm tones, more softness. More color."
I looked around at the nearly all white flat.
He reached out and pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my stomach and propping his head on my shoulders. My heart sank a little.
"Maybe plants, something alive. I wish they allowed cats in here. A fuzzy blanket. A fluffy rug. I'd paint the kitchen cabinets blue."
"Blue?" he interrupted.
"Yeah. The high ceilings are nice but it feels so vacant. I feel like adding some saturated color up there would help it feel more homey." I trailed off in thought. This place could be really nice if I did bother to redecorate.
"Homey." he repeated.
I turned over my shoulder to look at his face.
"Are you listening or are you just parroting every fifth word I say?" I said with my brows furrowed.
He laughed under his breath before meeting my eyes.
"I've never listened so intently in my life, dear. Not even in school. You feel that the room is lonely, and cold, and empty." he said with his eyes melting like honey.
"Yeah."
That could have easily been a description of how I imagine my life will be when he leaves.
I have no right to feel this attached to him. He didn't ask for this.
"Are you alright? You almost sound sullen." He asked, furrowing his brow and studying my face.
"I'm fine. Just admiring your face." I lied, reaching up and pinching his cheek.
"Admiring my-" he stopped to giggle, "anyway, It's occurred to me a few times recently that I don't have your cell phone number." he noted out of the blue.
"And yet you always seem to find me. 'Serendipitously.'" I quoted.
"I only stalked you until I got you to go to dinner with me." he retorted.
I got up out of his lap, begrudgingly, and dug my phone out of my purse.
"Here, trade you."
I handed him my phone, unlocked.
He handed me his phone in return and I added my contact in, omitting a picture.
"Alright. What's taking you so long? You'd better not be snooping through my pictures." I snarled, half joking.
"Oh, do you have interesting pictures?" he mocked, raising his brow.
"Alright enough" I said, reaching for my phone, but he stretched away from me holding it at arm's length.
"What could possibly be more explicit than the sight of you choking on my cock until you had tears, kitten." he teased.
"God. Gross. Whatever, look all you like." I said, attempting some reverse psychology.
He grinned and handed my phone back.
"I promise 'gross' is not the word that comes to my mind"
I looked in my contacts under H and found '💧His⭐'
"Does Tess not start with a T?" he asked, not finding my contact.
"Try k." I hinted, blushing.
"Ahh. I like the cat emoji. Very cute."