𝐖𝐖𝐖.𝐍𝐄𝐎𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄.𝐀𝐈
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I see improvement, the writing style completely changed and so did the vocabulary. However, there were still some grammatical errors here and there. Just few missing words like, 'she ill bruised' instead of , 'she was ill and bruised.'? And we're for were which I assume was a typo. And When I said 'be more detailed' I didn't mean that you should omit out most of the dialogues, no. Thats plain! Keep the dialogues and make the scenes detailed, without any dialogues, there's no feel at all. Also, I would like to talk about the length of the paragraphs: when you are describing a scene, make sure to cut it into different parts because when a scene is too long, it decreases reader's interest and when you are writing dialogues which might be long, break it into two parts maybe like this::
"Dad is reminiscing about his time with his wife, he says half of it." He paused.
Dad sighed, looking up at the ceiling, holding back his tears and with a longing smile on his face, he continued, "he says the other half."
Do this instead.
And I have said it already, you have to express other character's emotions too when cass is interacting with them. For example, when cass kissed will for the first time, where is his reaction? He was shocked, you could have added that. And at the end, last chapter, conrad and will's reaction upon facing rejection?
And the plot hole! Dad's secret job. Nobody revealed it?
Thats it. Thank you for having it reviewed again, your book is wonderful!
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