Reassurance || Leah Williamson

Seven

The first week of training had gone surprisingly well. Fitting into the team wasn't a problem like I thought it was going to be, everyone's great and they all make me feel so at home.

I had just walked through the door after getting home from training today before I recieved a text.

Leah
Hey Tess you home yet?

Tess
Just walked in the door
What's up?

Leah
Would you wanna grab
coffee before training?
I'll pick you up and drive
us to training

Tess
I'd love to
What time

Leah
8?

Tess
Perfect
See you then Le

I smiled then put my phone down. I'd say beside my dutch teammates, I'm closest with Leah and Kyra. More so Leah though. There's just something about her. She knows how to keep me calm and always gives me reassurance when I need it. Always knows what to say. We also mesh very well in practice, Leah hasn't made her return yet but it'll be soon. She's been in full training and in my eyes it looks like she never left. I've also formed a close bond with Lotte, we work very well together too.

Tomorrow's our match day minus one before we play Everton at Meadow Park. I'm hoping I get to make my debut, especially there as I happen to love Meadow Park. Leah actually assured me I probably would start, in her words I'm a 'world fucking class defender.' The thought makes me laugh.

—

"Leah! Ah, and Tess! Nice to see you both again," Scott called as we entered the coffee house. We both smiled as we walked to the counter. "Hey Scott!"

"Same as last time?"

"Yeah I'll take another Americano please, Leah?"

"I'll take another Hot Chocolate, thanks."

Before Leah could pay I handed my card to Scott who laughed and ran it. Leah rolled her eyes at me and nudged me. Once we got our drinks we made it to our table in the corner from last time.

"Ready for tomorrow's game?" Leah asked while leaning her head on her hand.

"I guess." It was quiet for a moment, not an uncomfortable moment, more like a comfortable one where she knew I didn't want to talk. At least not yet. Honestly if she'd ask the right question I'd tell her, until then I'd rather not bring it up.

"Tess?" I was tracing the brim of my to go cup when she said my name. Looking up I turned my attention to her silently telling her to continue.

She stared at me another moment before asking, "How come you second guess yourself so much? I don't mean to ask with any malice, please don't take it the wrong way. I just- You're a great football player, and a great person. So why the lack in confidence? I mean I get it sometimes, but- I just- Please don't take this the wrong way." She had started rambling when I didn't answer right away. To be honest I wasn't expecting this question to be asked so soon.

"Sports took a toll on me when I was younger." I paused, trying to find the right words. "I started riding bikes at age 3 and started racing them competitively as well. I did that up until I was about 10 and that's when I got into football. Fast forwards and here I am now, but that's not the point. When I was racing, I loved it until I didn't. I wasn't racing for fun, I was racing because I had to. If I didn't win I was in trouble, if I didn't train I was in trouble, if I didn't ride everyday I was in trouble. I started to get in my head, overthinking every little thing. This caused me to lose races and in return disappoint my parents."

I paused again, Leah sat listening to everything. So I continued. "It got to the point where I was burnt out. It was taking a toll mentally and in return a toll physically as well. Mind you I was probably 7 or 8. I missed school, I didn't hangout with friends. I hated life. So I quit. Nine year old me quit. When I turned 10 I found football, it quickly became special to me and I enjoyed it like I had racing bikes. I talked with my parents and told them they need to step back and not force things like training and stuff on me again. I wanted to enjoy football and do it on my own terms. And they let me.

I started seeing a therapist when I turned 16 and it helped a little bit, but I was still always trapped in my head second guessing myself. It happens more in training than it does games but it's always in the back of my mind. What if I'm not good enough? What if I fail? What if I disappoint my parents? You know? I really do try to not second guess myself and overthink, but it's hard."

Leah had grabbed my hand across the table at some point, I don't know when. I was rambling off the thoughts in my head. "And that leads us to today, where I still overthink but when I've got people around me, people like you. Who reassure me, and are there for me, and believe in me; I do better. I stop overthinking, not entirely, but less." I looked down at my hand in hers and smiled a bit.

It was quiet for a while after I finished, I had looked up to see Leah lost in thought now staring at our hands as she slowly rubbed her thumb over my hand.

"I hope you know how good of a footballer you are Tess, and I hope you know that what you went through made you the person you are today. And I hope you know that I will continue to reassure you and believe in you because I know you will succeed. You are one of the best people I've met and you deserve everything." I looked up at Leah as she said this. Tears threatening to spill.

"Thank you Leah." I mumbled quietly. She let go of my hand for a second but I didn't look up because I quickly felt her presence next to me. She pulled me into her and all I could feel was warmth. Leah made me feel safe. She made me feel seen. And I would be forever grateful.

——————
hi, hello,

I've never written anything before, so please don't expect this to be good or anything because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm making this up on the fly, but if you enjoy that's great. Anyways, if you have questions, comments, or concerns, do share. plz n thank you.

goodbye now.

(don't forget to vote or something thanks) ;)