Reassurance || Leah Williamson

Twenty Seven

As soon as I'd woken up I knew it was going to be a shit day. It's just one of those feelings.

I woke up groggily, my head was pounding for no apparent reason as I made my way to the bathroom. I didn't bother waking Leah up letting her get some extra sleep in before she needed to be up. I continued my morning routine, getting ready for the gym session we'd planned this morning. Though I was only going through motions, my mind wasn't fully there. Zoned out I guess.

I didn't realize Leah had come into the kitchen until she wrapped her arms around me making me jump. "God Leah, you scared me."

"Sorry, did you not see me walk in?"

"No," I answered shortly. Maybe with more attitude than I intended but Leah didn't say anything just hummed.

It was silent while we ate and collected our things before heading to the car. Allowing thoughts to slip into my mind. Had I been to harsh? I didn't mean to be. Was she mad at me now? I bet she is. I bet she's just adding it to the list of things I've done wrong. I even bet she's still upset about the whole club incident which was over two weeks ago. I bet she'll hold that against me. It was my fault anyways. Everything usually is.

These thoughts consumed me the entire drive to the gym, I hadn't even realized we'd arrived until Leah called my name.

"Sorry, yeah I'm coming." I quickly got out of the car walking towards the gym. Leah grabbed my arm for a second holding me back.

"Hey are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Another short answer. Those were good. Yeah. Okay well maybe they weren't, but it's less explaining I have to do. I'd rather not explain what goes on in my head. There's too many thoughts to explain and even understand. I'd rather not burden Leah with that.

"You're sure?"

"Yep," I said popping the 'p.' Leah seemed unimpressed, clearly seeing through me but she didn't comment. Only a blank stare was present on her face as she mumbled a simple 'okay' and we made our way into the gym.

We went out separate ways and didn't talk once throughout our entire workout. Yet again I was only going through the motions, not much effort behind the exercises. My mind was elsewhere.

I frowned, beginning to think about everything I needed to fix in my game. My angles, my timing, reading the game, blah blah blah. I needed to fix everything, I needed to be the best. There's no reason I shouldn't be the best. If only I didn't destroy myself to often. There was no point though, my thoughts always got the better of me.

My thoughts shifted again as I did lunges up and down the training center. I bet Leah's annoyed with me, always having to snap me out of my thoughts and bring me back to reality. I bet it gets old because it happens so often. And the fact that she always has to reassure me? Nah, it's definitely annoying for her. I bet she'll leave, she's probably fed up with me. Yeah, that's it. See? Yet again everything is my fault. Why couldn't I just be perfect.

"Tess what is wrong?" Leah now stood in front of me, towering over as I was in the middle of a lunge. I didn't reply.

"I can see the gears turning in your mind from across the room. What's going on?" She hand found my cheek as I stood up.

I fought the urge to meet her eyes, knowing I'd give in if I did. Instead I kept my gaze in the floor, "Nothing I'm fine." Leah's hand moved to grab my chin forcing me to look up and into her eyes. "What is wrong?" She said slowly.

"Nothing," I whispered as my voice began to crack. Leah placed both her hands on my cheeks now.

"Tess, talk to me." Her eyes searched mine, trying to figure out what was causing me pain. Why I wasn't talking to her. She wouldn't find anything exact though, my thoughts were spiraling. I couldn't think straight.