FEEL THE MUSIC {BABY LASAGNA}

III. I just don't love myself too much

I had a great time at the dinner with the artists. The majority of them were really nice and we had a very friendly atmosphere.

The next morning went really fast. First, I had three different interviews, and later on, I went to the hotel's gym with David and Sofia. The gym was practically empty except for a group of approximately five people. Among them I could recognise Olly, the representative of the United Kingdom, so I guessed the other guys were his dancers.

-What are you looking at?-Asked Sofia to David, who couldn't take his eyes off the English men.

-What?

-It seems that you really enjoy your view.-Continued Sofia, picking on the blonde boy.

-Shut up.

-Do you want me to ask for one Instagram user in particular?-Asked the girl.

-Sofia!-Screamed my friend, which drew the attention of the boys.
David's face was pretty red, filled with embarrassment. He punched Sofia softly, to which she responded by throwing him her gym towel and then they started running across the gym.

-Please guys, don't make a scene. We are being the perfect example of why Europe thinks we're loud and annoying.- I told them, but it didn't matter because the next thing I knew was that I was running and being persecuted by my friends. That afternoon the three of us got scolded by Natalia for acting that childish. She saw a video Olly posted on his tik tok. At least a big part of the comments were positive and tik tok users thought our “fight” was funny.

To be honest, I was a bit nervous when the night of the first pre-party came. It was the first time I was going to perform my song in front of an audience since my victory in the national final, the Benidorm fest. As it was just a pre-party I was going to take the stage without my dancers, which made me a bit anxious. I belive listening to all the songs that were going to compete at ESC didn't help to calm my nerves.

Julia offered me different outfit options and I chose a red short dress and a black-leather jacket.

All the representatives were in a small room waiting for our turn to perform. As I was the representative of Spain and we were in Madrid, I was going to be the last to perform.

-Wish me luck!-Told me Nemo before going to the stage. When he got to the stage, we were only three representatives left: Bambie, who was talking to a member of production because of a dress malfunction, baby lasagna and I.
I noticed the Croatian guy sitting on the floor laying his back on the wall and fidgeting with his hands as he did the previous day before dinner.

-Hi there! Are you excited for tonight?-I asked the boy when I sat next to him.

-Yes.- He answered, only looking at me for a fraction of a second. 

-You seem a bit distracted, are you nervous?

-A bit.

-Why?

He simply shrugged his shoulders. 

-I'm a bit nervous to sing tonight. -I said trying to break the weird silence that was invading the room when the Irish representative left. 

He didn't say anything so I got up, I was getting the feeling that maybe he preferred to be alone in order to mentally prepare for his performance.

-You don't need to be nervous.-Said the Croatian guy after a while.

-OMG he has said more than two words in the same sentence.-This was one of the times when I wished to have kept my mouth closed. For a moment I thought I had seen a smile on his lips, but it didn't last long.-Why do you think that?- I asked, not being sure whether the Croatian singer was going to answer. But in the end, he did.

-We are in your country. 

-And?

-People will know your song and will sing along with you.

-Are you worried that people won't know your song?

He seemed surprised to hear my question and looked at me with his light eyes really opened. I felt his gaze piercing through me.

-Why do you ask?

-I just got the feeling.

-Oh.

 -Well, if you are worried about that, please don't be. Your song is very unique and special, and if you asked the public to dance with you, I'm sure they'll follow you.

-Maybe, but I don't agree with the part of it being special, there are millions and millions of that kind. You may think it's special but it's really not.

-You know what they say… Comparing is despairing. Even if you think your song is very similar to others, I still think it is special. In fact, I believe every song is unique in its own way. Even if the same song is sung by different people it won't be exactly the same. Every artist has their own personal touch, even if they produce similar music. And that's what makes music special.

-Thanks, but no motivational quotes are gonna change my brain into thinking positive thoughts about that.

That conversation was starting to be tiring. He had a very negative perspective of his work, and his words were starting to discourage me, because very deep, I knew he was right. My efforts of cheering him up for his performance were in complete vain.

-You're about to go on stage and you should be feeling like you're the best, whereas you are here, criticizing your work like you hated it or even like you hated yourself, I don't know what you are doing here with that mentality. I mean, you will compete at Eurovision soon…

-I don't hate myself, I just don't love myself too much. Simple. And hey, I noticed that you're very honest and direct, aren't you?

I shrugged. I don't know why, but I took his observation as an intention of annoying me.

-I guess... And I noticed that you are very grumpy aren't you? I don't see you around other contestants much.- I asked.

-I'm just shy.

-I don't understand. If you're so shy, why are you here telling me your concerns about your work? 

-First of all, you were asking a lot of questions and you didn't seem to be satisfied with my answers.
And secondly, you don't seem to care about what others think.

-And why is that?

-I saw a video of you and your friends playing at the gym like little kids. But now I know that you care about what others think. Look at your face, it's red!

He was right. I was pretty embarrassed when he mentioned that video. Baby Lasagna started laughing and I did the same. What started being a tense conversation evolved into a nicer one.

-I'm Marko by the way.-Said the boy with a grin crossing his face.

-I'm Adria-

-Baby Lasagna, you're next.- We were interrupted by a member of production. 

-See you later Adria.-He said walking past me. He left the room leaving me a weird feeling. Not everyday you meet a stranger and talk with them about meaningful topics. In a world full of toxic positivity he stood out, whatever he said about being millions of individuals like him.

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