Juicy's POV:
I never knew what to do with my feelings. If I should listen to my head or my heart. Sometimes, it drains all my energy out, or it makes me turn to suicidal thoughts. I can never decide anything for myself. All I ever wanted was a normal brain. Not this one. I couldn't decide if I had a crush on Eddie or if it was my mind playing tricks on me. I didn't know if I was real or not. Sometimes, I would hear voices in my head. Screaming and shouting at me, telling me different things every time. Do I listen to my head or my heart? What does it matter. I never listen to either of them. It always ends up with me sulking in sadness until the next day and then the next, over and over. I want to get out of this madness and become a regular person. But it never works. The only time I feel at peace and at home is with Eddie. He is the only one who makes me actually happy. The voices don't show up when I'm with him. I can decide what to do with myself when I'm around him. He is the only one I need to survive. He keeps the demons away and my thoughts at bay. Hell, I want him to be my boyfriend, but I know he will say no. That's what my head tells me every day. "He will say no. He doesn't want a shitty person like you, Gaege." That's what they tell me. When I'm happy and I hear them, it turns my mood to the opposite. He doesn't know I'm gay because he would make fun of me for it just like the others. I've always been bullied when I was in high school for being gay. All the guys would walk past me and say things about me. Like "faggot" and "homo" just to take the piss out of me. I didn't say anything back because I knew it would just cause more trouble. I would just ignore them and walk to my class. So if I told Eddie, then he would be disgusted. Just like those guys in school. It would be the same shit all over again. Eddie and I are hanging out in the living room playing some games. I wasn't paying any attention, just drowning in my emotions. "No one likes you. You're pathetic. Just end it all." The voices kept telling me. I held my hands to my ears, hearing them ring louder and louder until I felt like I was becoming deaf. I couldn't hear anything, and my eyes were closed. It took me a while to hear Eddie yelling my name at the top of his voice. "JUICY! Are you okay? Jesus Christ, don't do that shit to me!" He says, putting a hand on his chest sighing in relief. "Are you good now?" He asks me his hand on my shoulder. I simply nod my head and rest my head in my arms and curled into my knees into a ball, feeling how weak I was turning into. I felt tears build up in my eyes, so I ran out into the backyard and sped towards the dark forest sinking into the darkness so no one could find me ever again. Eddie followed me, wondering where I was going. "JUICY! What's going on?! Come on, talk to me!" He says aloud in the distance. I stood there looking into the pitch black clenching my fists. "What do you care, Eddie!? I'm a fucked up loser with no will to live for and nothing to wake up to! I'm worthless and tired of my life! I want it to end. My thoughts are nothing but anxiety and depression! I don't deserve anyone or anything! I hate my mind. I really do. It's full of these horrible voices telling me the same things over and over for nearly my whole fucking life! I wake up and live another day praying to God I will die early one day! But here I am! Still on this earth, living my shitty life! What's the point of all this anymore!? I'm constantly in agony wondering when my time will be over! Now I want to be alone. So please, for fucks sake, leave me alone Eddie!" I yelled running into the woods alone and cold but too numb to feel anything anymore. I sit down on the ground next to a lake staring into the sky. I hear footsteps behind me, but I don't turn around, hoping it's someone to kill me already. I see a light reflect on the water and see someone sit next to me in the corner of my eye. "Gaege. Listen to me. You're the most perfect person I have ever met. You make me so fucking happy I don't know what I'd do without you. Ever since we first met, I could tell that we were going to be friends forever. All the things that you said about yourself. I do not agree with you. I love you so fucking much. Like a lot. You have helped me through so much, and now I want to return that favour. I can tell you need help, so that's what I'm going to do. Fuck the voices in your head and fuck every bad thing that is living inside of you. Because they are wrong. You deserve so much better, and I would do everything to protect you. So, will you be my boyfriend?" He asks looking deep into my eyes. I couldn't believe what I just heard. I was speechless. My whole world had changed. My view on life just completely flipped. I have been saved. By my sunshine. The sun that I was waiting for after the storm that was lasting for years. And that sun is Eddie. The person who has done everything for me. The person who saved me from commiting suicide multiple times. The person who I was staring at the whole time. My hero. We make heavy eye contact for a few seconds before Eddie slowly pulls me into a long and passionate kiss. His warm muscular hands around my waist holding me in place yet providing me the most comfort I have ever been recieved in years. It felt like electricity sparking my whole body. But the good kind. His soft lips touching mine. This felt like heaven. I had experienced happiness for the first time ever. Yet I felt free. There was no more voices and my depression and anxiety felt like they were already cured. His body against mine felt like fireworks exploding. I loved every single second of it. It felt like forever that we kissed so we both pulled away and stared at each other with love. Something I didn't know I could feel. His hair, his eyes, everything about him was perfect. It felt like the final piece of the jigsaw being put together. The final word of the book. I was waiting so long for this moment and it finally happened. Like the happy ever after.
