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SHAKURR tappedhis pen unable to focus even though his tutor was right in front of him. August had got him a personal tutor due to failing his Biochemistry exam, he had only scored a 20%. Shakurr leaned back in the chair tuning out the tutor who was talking her head off as he thought long and hard about life, his life. His heart felt so heavy lately and for some reason he thought that one day of therapy would fix everything, would fix his brothers, fix him but why did it make him feel worse? He didn't have the energy for things lately. Not his friends, ignoring Tanya and every time he saw his brothers that similar tightening chest feeling when he panicked at August house came creeping back.
His mind couldn't help but to travel to his father, he felt a lot of emotions towards him. The main thing Shakurr was sad about was not having proper closure, a proper goodbye. His ashes were just there, he still didn't know exactly where and they didn't even say goodbye? Lay him to rest? He wanted to say his piece, all his feelings and thoughts over the last twenty-one years.
But Shakurr also felt guilty for wanting that closure. He knew how much it affected August, he could feel the hate and see it in his eyes whenever their father was mentioned and the last thing Shakurr wanted to do was rattle August..Upset him or even make him sad
But Shakurr needed this, it was eating away at him and keeping him up at night. He couldn't eat, think or sleep just going over the same thoughts over and over again, what was his father thinking in his last moments? Did they cross his mind? Did he miss them? His mom? Did he regret leaving? Did he-
"Shakurr, you don't seem to be paying attention." Zavie, the tutor said crossing her arms. Shakurr gave a small smile sitting up.
"My bad, I wasn't listening, what was it you just said?" Zavie sighed.
"Well I just spent thirty minutes explaining the catalytic features of enzymes and you are telling me you heard none of that?" Shakurr sighed feeling bad.
"Nah, I'm sorry." Shakurr apologized
"Your brother already paid me but I also don't like wasting my time and taking free money, if you aren't gonna benefit then maybe you should just trying studying on your own?"
"Nah I can't do that, my brother would lose his shit. I really need your help, I'm just having an off day."
"Since I've met you, you've been having off days." Shakurr frowned, Zavie sat down patting Shakurr hand."Look, I get it..But college isn't like high school, you either get with it? Or get left behind. Don't be the one that gets left behind."
"Thanks, I appreciate it. Could we possibly pick this back up tomorrow and I'll focus and really pay attention. I promise."
"Don't make promises, just get it done. I'll see you tomorrow." Zavie said packing up her things as Shakurr sat back, Shakurr could see why August chose her out of everyone on campus. She didn't play any games, she came here on a scholarship just like Shakurr but unlike him? She worked hard and kept hers.
