fuck buddies

8

He doesn't know how it happened. How he ended up here, half-naked, in Buck's bed, sucking him off. He swears he came here to talk and only to talk. But one thing led to another and well... maybe sex was the easy way out of talking about his feelings.

Buck's hand tangled in his hair, guiding his movements. The room was filled with soft gasps and the rustle of sheets, the world outside fading away as they lost themselves in each other.

For a week straight, Eddie found himself in this same position, the cycle repeating itself with a disturbing consistency. Each time he arrived at Buck's apartment, intending to finally have the conversation they desperately needed, he would lose his nerve. His anxiety and fear of the unknown would overwhelm him, and he would find himself reaching for Buck, seeking the physical touch rather than facing his emotions.

Buck, perceptive as ever, could tell something was bothering Eddie. Every time he would start to broach the subject, Buck would encourage him, his eyes filled with concern and patience.

"Eddie, what's going on? You can talk to me." But Eddie would falter, his resolve crumbling under the weight of his emotions. He'd brush off Buck's attempts at conversation with a kiss, his hands moving to undress him, and soon they would be lost in the heat of the moment once again.

Buck didn't complain. He welcomed Eddie's touch, but deep down, he knew something was off. He was hiding something, and Buck could feel it with every unspoken word and every lingering glance. He chose to ignore it, hoping Eddie would open up in his own time.

Until tonight.

The fluorescent lights of the hospital hallway flickered overhead as Buck and Eddie wheeled their latest patient into the emergency room. Silence filled the air, until Eddie's eyes landed on her.

"Diaz?" Spoke the doctor, the same doctor who had treated him for his panic attack just a week ago. "I wasn't expecting to see you again so soon, how you feeling?"

"Good. All good." He tried brushing her off. He forced a smile, but it was evident how desperate he was to get away. He quickly signalled for Buck to keep going, but Buck looked between him and the doctor, clearly confused.

He noticed the tension in Eddie's voice and the way he avoided the doctor's gaze. Something didn't add up, and his instincts told him there was more to this encounter than Eddie was letting on.

He took the opportunity to address the issue when both men were sitting side by side in the ER, manually bagging patients because of the city wide power outage.

"Hey," he started, catching Eddie's attention. "What was with that doctor on the way in? Why is she asking if you're alright?"

"It was nothing," he shrugged. But Buck didn't buy it.

"I wasn't feeling well the other day, so, she checked me out." Eddie explained vaguely, his gaze fixed on the patient he was bagging.

"She's a cardiologist... at a hospital," Buck chuckled. "Wait, are you saying you had a heart attack?" his expression turned into concern.

"What, no! I'm not saying I had a heart attack, I'm saying the opposite. I'm saying I didn't have a heart attack."

Buck's brows furrowed as he processed Eddie's response, his concern deepening. "But you did think you were having a heart attack?" he pressed gently, his eyes searching for confirmation.

"Can we just drop this?"

"No. If I had known, I wouldn't have let you... you know..." He trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.

"What? You wouldn't have let me have so much sex with you?" he finished for him with a whisper, smirking when Buck's cheeks turned red.

Before the conversation could continue, Chimney and Hen walked in the room.

"The trauma bay is on its feet for now. Did all we could, little stitch here and there," Chim said. "You guys want us to tag you out, give you a break?" Hen added.

"Yeah," Eddie smiled, eager for a chance to step away from the tension in the room.

"Great idea. Eddie really shouldn't be exerting himself right now." Buck didn't steer away from his eyes as he spoke, annoyance laced in his voice.

Eddie felt frustrated by his comment, his irritation rising. "Seriously, Buck," he shook his head as he stood up and walked away.

Buck watched him walk away, but he wasn't letting him off the hook that easy. He couldn't just let things simmer unresolved.

Ignoring the glances of Chimney and Hen, he quickly followed Eddie out of the ER and back toward their ambulance.

"Eddie, wait!" he called after him, his voice tinged with urgency.

Eddie paused, his back still turned to Buck as he leaned against the ambulance, his arms crossed over his chest.

Buck approached him slowly, his footsteps echoing in the empty parking lot. "Look, I'm sorry if I upset you back there," he began, his tone sincere. "But I can't just stand by and watch you brush off something serious like that."

Eddie turned to face him, his expression guarded but defiant. "I don't need you to play the hero, Buck. I'm fine."

"Funny, because you didn't seem fine when you were practically avoiding that doctor like the plague," Buck shot back, his frustration boiling over.

Eddie's jaw tightened, his eyes angry. "What, you think I owe you an explanation now? Is that it?"

"I think you owe it to yourself to be honest about what's going on. With me, with everyone."

"You don't get it, do you?" Eddie snapped, his voice rising. "You're not the one who has to deal with this! You're not the one who feels like their whole world is crashing down around them!"

"Eddie what are you talking about?" Buck snapped back. He hated this, feeling left in the dark, it only made him more angry.

"It was a panic attack, ok? Because I'm in love, and I'm scared!" Eddie's words spilled out, raw and unfiltered.

Buck's eyes widened at his confession, shock and disbelief flooding his features. "In love?"

Eddie nodded, his voice quieter now. "Yeah. I didn't want to admit it, even to myself. But every time I try to talk about it, I feel like I can't breathe. Like everything's closing in on me."

Understanding dawned in Buck's eyes, his heart sinking as he processed the words. "Who um.. who is she?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Eddie hesitated, but he couldn't bring himself to correct him in that moment. Buck was mistaking his confession for something entirely different. All he wanted to do was tell him the truth, to confess that it was Buck himself who held his heart. But the words refused to leave his lips. He felt paralyzed.

So instead, Eddie stood there, frozen in place, unable to move or speak as Buck's question hung in the air between them.

Buck's heart shattered into a million pieces. He had hoped, against all odds, that maybe Eddie's feelings were for him. But now, faced with the harsh reality that they weren't, he felt like he had been punched in the gut.

He took a deep breath, steeling himself against the ache in his chest. With a forced smile, he turned back to face Eddie. "You know what, it doesn't matter... I'm.. happy for you, Eddie." He managed to say, his voice wavering slightly as he tried to hide his true feelings. "I mean, love is a beautiful thing, right? And it's okay to be scared. It just means it's something worth fighting for."

Buck turned away, unable to bear the weight of Eddie's confession any longer. Eddie reached out, a pang of guilt stabbing at his heart as he watched him retreat. He wanted to reach out, to hold Buck close and never let go. But he knew it was too late for that now.

"Buck, wait-"

"We should probably end whatever this is," Buck interrupted, motioning between the two of them.

"I think it's for the best."

Before Eddie could even form a response, Buck was walking away, leaving him standing alone in the empty parking lot.

And as Eddie watched him go, a sense of profound loss washed over him, knowing that he had missed his chance to tell him the truth, to set his heart free, to risk it all for the possibility of something more than just fuck buddies.