'beep' 'beep' 'beep' the sound of beeping entered my ears, my eyes felt heavy, my body ached from the pain "where am I?" when no one answered my question I decided to open my eyes and look around the room seeing I was in the ER my wife asleep in the chair next to me as a nurse walked in she held a smile when she saw me awake "hello I'll be your Nurse for the night, my name is Mechelle I'm coming in to get some blood work done then the doctor has ordered a CT scan." Nodding softly as my wife opened her eyes and looked at me, she stood up and held my hand.
"How are you feeling?" Her voice cracked as my body felt the stabbing pain of the needle within my arm. "My lower back still hurts," I mumbled softly as I closed my eyes, I hate needles with a passion. "Alright now that's done, another nurse will come in and take you to do the CT scan in a moment" nodding again at her as she stood and walked out the door. Sighing softly as I looked into lylaces eyes seeing her worry expression. "When did I get here?" I asked softly, slowly placing my hands within my lap and playing with my fingernails while I waited for an answer.
"You were at your parents' house when the pain in your lower back started to hurt, you couldn't even lift your 4-year-old nephew due to the pain" nodding my head as the images flowed into my mind like water within a river. As if on time another nurse walked in and wheeled me out towards the room where the CT scan was. Laying down with my arm above my head, listening to them, explain that I will feel like I've peed myself when it's just the contrast circling my body showing a clear image of my insides.
"I don't feel good" my voice mumbled as my father a former EMT looked at me as my older sister who is a CNA at a hospital a few towns over ran over to me checking my temperature "what's wrong?" they asked in unison. "My lower back been hurting for a week and today just the worst of it I guess" I mumbled softly into the air, my father sighed softly "go to insta care you might have kidney stones they will help" his voice wavered with worry.
My sister nodded in agreement before I left, which Insta-Care sent me to the er for my blood pressure was 192/142 which I know now is stroke and heart attack level. Hearing the CT scan slowly stop as the nurses came back out and took me back to my room, my wife sat patiently waiting for me. 'you're going to break' a voice entered the back of my mind as the wait for the doctor felt like years when in reality, it was only 30 minutes. His face held concern, "we are going to admit you for your BP is too high to be walking around but the CT scan show that there is a large mass that has grown on your Adrenal gland." raising an eyebrow at the doctor questioning what the meaning of this mass is. "Mass?" My voice was soft as a whisper as he cleared his throat "it's called Pheochromocytoma it's a tumor-" his voice started to fade away and the word tumor continued to echo within my mind.
'Are you strong enough?' the voice rang louder as the black figure appeared behind the doctor; he held a purple leash as Ciel stood next to him "surgery is needed for the mass is way too big to be left alone it can cause migraines, Hypertension (high blood pressure), and the pain from in your kidney that brought you in today." Slowly lowering the clipboard that he held within his hands, looking at me and nodding gently "I'll let this sink in for you both a nurse will come and take you to your room" he stated before he walked out of the room.
Looking at my wife as she slowly started to make calls, my phone rang as the word 'dad' showed across the screen answering it as the words "what's the skinny" rang loudly over the heart monitor. "I have a tumor" the words felt like water trying to put out a grease fire sighing softly as my father voice shouted at the others surrounding him "shut up guys they found a tumor" the word felt strange as my back no longer hurt 'that's the pain medication talking' my thoughts where interrupted as my father voice entered once again "so what's the plan" his voice sounded concerned as my heart picked up "I don't think I can do this dad" tears fell from my eyes as the thought of Ciel's passing was only a week prior to this "scar it's going to be ok, we will help" the words felt like soap burning in my eyes 'I don't want to do this anymore, I'm tired of feeling alone and feeling this pain' shaking my head softly "they are admitting me into the hospital to control my bp and to confirm the tumor it's called Pheochromocytoma"
'I'm breaking,' the thought rang loud as the bed moved to the 3rd floor of the hospital. The heart monitor kept endlessly beeping, that showed my lifeline showing how truly weak my body is. The room felt cold as the screen hung in front of me playing Christmas movies that filled the room as if hearing the joyful tone of each song will cure the darkness that filled my heart, as if trying to help me process that my life can move forward without Ciel with me, lylace staid by my side holding my hand as if I was going to disappear within seconds. staying with in that hospital bed felt as if I was chained to the floor with no escape only to feel the sun upon my skin through a window longing for the sweet relief of freedom from the medical floor, for 3 days I laid there watching the endless Christmas movies play over and over, I was not allowed to leave the room with each day that passed the hole in my heart slowly grew.
Once I was able to go home, I walked into my room tears filled my eyes as my heart hurt 'I can't take this!' I shouted within my head as I started to throw and rearrange my room and moving everything around as tears fell from my cheeks, "Ciel I need you! Where were you when I needed you the most! "Shouting over the music that started to play from the tv in the living room while falling onto my knees holding his purple retired harness within my hands "please come back" I mumbled softly as the door to my room slowly opened showing lylace standing their tears upon her cheeks. She ran over and hugged me from behind "I'm not strong enough, I don't want to keep going" I mumbled softly she held me tightly against her.
"I'm here" were the only words that left her lips.
YOU ARE READING
Our Journey
مغامرةAt first it was hard, going from an able body to no longer being able to get out of bed mostly due to pain, depression or even no motivation, I want to disappear, I want the pain to leave my body. The loud rawer rang through my ears, 'it hasn't sto...
