A Poet's Secret

Chapter 13

I wake up like it's any other day, get ready and head downstairs. I get ready for school throwing on a white top and one of those dress pullovers and of course some leggings under because it's getting cold. I complete my outfit with my brown uggs.

Finally being able to style my newly done box braids, I put them into a half up half down hairstyle with two pieces of hair framing my face. I also try to lay down my edges but you can't have everything you know?

I head downstairs when I get the text from Sierra saying she's here and it's completely quiet as I make my way to the kitchen and the lights are off. I roll my eyes, she does this every year.

"Happy birthday!" I suddenly hear it when I switch on the lights. A confetti popper pops and sprays me with different colored confetti. I see Ezra, Sierra, and my mom smiling and singing Happy Birthday to me. There's a stack of chocolate chip pancakes on the kitchen island with a candle sticking out of it.

"Make a wish," my mom says after they all finish singing

I make a wish and then I blow out the candle. We all chill together for a while.

I eat my pancakes with extra whipped cream on top and my mom makes me a cup of hot chocolate and she tops it off with whipped cream.

"Mom," I ask tenderly while Sierra and Ezra clean up the confetti.

"Yes baby"

"Where's dad?" my mom's expression turns sad "he's uh he's supposed to get home tonight. To come to see you but you won't be here because your friends are throwing you a party!" she says trying to lighten the mood

"Is something going on between you and dad? He hasn't been home in months Mom"

"Everything is fine sweetie" she tries smiling

"Mom I'm not two years old anymore I can tell when you're sad"

"Let's not talk about this today okay? It's your birthday, enjoy it" I nod and suddenly I regret the 3 pancakes I ate. My stomach starts to feel heavy and too full. I know it's natural, I know I'm probably just bloated but then and there on my kitchen counter I decide these pancakes are gonna be my last meal of the day before I do something I might regret.

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Music flows throughout Ezra's living room as people who are supposed to be 'friends' who I don't really know flow in. The murmuring of students from school and other places is almost as loud as the music. Balloons that spell out 'Happy Birthday' are hung on the archway leading to the living room. There are gifts on the living room center table but the person-to-gift ratio is drastically off. I'm sure half of the people here don't even know whose birthday it is despite the 'it's my birthday' crown Sierra insisted I wear.

"I thought this was just supposed to be a small gathering Ez?" I say standing next to him in a corner of the living room

"Yeah but I guess some of the guys invited people who invited other people. You know how it goes"

"Who wants to play truth or dare?!" Jacob, one of Ezra's teammates from basketball announces, receiving a bunch of cheers around the room

"Bro what the fuck are we? Middle schoolers?'' Sierra scoffs as she makes her way to one of the couches, drink in one hand and a girl in another. I feel a pang of jealousy in my chest

"No one's forcing you to play smart ass" Jacob rolls his eyes

Many make their way to the little circle forming by the table Ezra and I included. A couple of rounds go by and it's all normal sex dares. Barely anyone picks truth because what's the fun in that? Everything is going smoothly until Jacob decides to stir the pot.

"I dare you to make out with your friend" Jacob dares Sierra. She complies and goes at it with the girl she's with and I look away restless. Ezra notices and places an arm on my thigh

"That was hot n all but I meant with her" Jacob says nodding toward me with a smug smile

"Fuck off man, the game's over" Ezra says with a hard stare at Jacob but Jacob doesn't back down

"Don't be a party pooper bro" sierra laughs but Ezra sends her a searing glance that shuts her up

"Aww someones still not over being dumped? She's not your girl bro anymore so let her decide" jacob sneers

Ezra's eyes are dark and he looks like he's out for blood. I know I shouldn't want this because nothing about the kiss would be genuine, at least from her, but… if you had the chance to kiss someone you've been longing for for years with no consequences would you deny the offer?

"It's fine Ez" I grab onto his hand. Ezra sits back down with a scoff and watches Sierra make her way around the circle to me.

"Geez tell your man to calm down it's all just games" Sierra whispers to me but I'm sure everyone heard

She grabs me by the waist smiling and tucks my braid behind my ear. Were so close that I could feel her breath on my lips. They feel like a ghost of what's to come. When her lips meet mine the music thumping through the house is silent, far away and as she slides her tongue in through my lips I'm astounded. Now I get why girls fall at her feet, why she makes people question their sexuality. I feel butterflies swarm into my stomach and they're reckless.

The kiss is everything I've imagined and I never want it to end. Her hands are all over me like we're not in front of a crowd and when I hear a whistle from none other than Jacob it brings me out of my fantasy and I'm reminded of where we are and the fact that Ezra is here watching this and I pull away.

I scan the room for Ezra and he's still there with a pained-filled look on his face. Sierra goes back to her arm candy and kisses her just as deeply as she kissed me. I realize that it wasn't special. Subconsciously I had hoped that maybe if she kissed me she'd finally see that it's better to be with someone who knows you rather than random one-night stands and I'm let down again. Like every other time I'd hoped that when she held my hand or kissed my cheek it was different. But it wasn't. It never was.