𝐰𝐞 𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐝𝐮𝐦𝐛 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐭
🥂🥂🥂
When she gets the call from her "brother", Kirsten practically jumps for joy at the opportunity to go to Vegas with her best friends for his bachelor party. She lives for a party, especially when it's...
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TW: Mentions of stripping.
[GDFR - Flo Rida] 1:40 ─〇───── 2:13 ⇄ ◃◃ ⅠⅠ ▹▹ ↻
On another stupid mission to find out what the hell happened last night, we've made it to a small apartment complex, with a nice-looking pool and a few residents smiling up at us. It looks nice enough that nothing bad is going to happen to us this time. But, knowing our luck, that isn't in the realm of possibility.
"It's got, uh, Ted Danson and Magnum P.I. And that Jewish actor." Alan finishes up talking about some movie, but in all honesty, I've been doing a great job at ignoring the shit that comes out of his mouth.
"Shut up, Alan." Stu, on the other hand, not doing so well.
"What room was it again?" I ask, feeling the tension between the two becoming thick.
"It's 825," Phil answers me.
A woman walks out of her apartment, on the phone. I can assume this is Jade. "I know, I did. I already checked with her." She sees us. "I found him, I'll call you back. Thank God, he's with his father." She takes the baby from Alan. "I was freaking out. I missed you, sweetie." She turns to Stu, talking seductively. "And I miss you." Jade moans as she kisses Stu. "What the hell happened to you guys?"
"Actually, we were hoping you could tell us." Phil smiles at her.
"What do you mean?" She squeals. "I got up this morning, I went to get coffee and I came back and you were gone." She looks at Stu. "Why are you being so quiet?"
"I'm not being quiet." Stu awkwardly stands beside her.
"Ha, ha. You're so cute." She holds his hand. "Yeah, I gotta feed Tyler. Come inside, you guys."
"Did you hear that? Baby's name is Tyler." Alan stops at the front door, solemnly.
"Yeah." I pat his shoulder. "I thought he looked more like a Carlos too, bud."
"Okay, what's up?" Jade speaks as she pours us all a glass of iced tea. "You guys are acting weird."
"Look, it's Jade, right?" Phil asks from the middle of the couch.
"Very funny, Phil." Jade laughs as if she's known us for a lifetime.
"Exactly. Well, we can't find him, and we're getting worried." I talk, sitting beside Stu on the arm of the chair.
"Oh, my God, that is so Doug." She chuckles.
Suddenly, Stu spits out the iced tea in his mouth, it going all over Jade, her baby, and my legs. I recoil back, realising that this is the second time today I've had one of the guy's bodily fluids all over me. The baby starts to cry and Jade consolts him.
"Oh, sweetie, I'm..." She walks away. "I'm gonna go clean him off. It's all right, Daddy didn't mean it."
"What the fuck, man," I speak when she's gone. "You just spat on a baby."
"You gotta hold it together," Phil warns.
"Holy shit." But Stu doesn't listen to us.
"She is super hot." Phil tries. "You should be proud of yourself."
"Way better than Melissa." I wipe the liquid off my legs. "You were smiling in those wedding photos. I haven't seen you smile the entire time you've been with Melissa."
"She's wearing my grandmother's ring!" Stu blurts out.
"What?" Phil and I raise our eyebrows.
"The ring I'm gonna give to Melissa." Stu strokes the back of his neck. "You remember, my grandmother's Holocaust ring? She's wearing it."
"I didn't know they gave out rings at the Holocaust." Alan chuckles.
Jade walks back with her baby. "He's okay."
"Oh, good." Phil chuckles awkwardly.
"He was just hungry, he's fine." She takes her seat back in front of us.
"About last night, uh, ahem, do you remember the last time you saw Doug?" Phil gets back on topic.
"Uh, I haven't seen him since the wedding." She answers.
"The wedding. Okay. Great." Phil writes it down on his napkin. "What time was that at?"
"Well, it was, um..." She thinks. "I guess it was around 1 because I had to go back to work and finish my shift. And then when I got out I headed over to the hotel with Tyler." She drops her shirt and starts to breastfeed her baby. The guys jolt backwards, awkwardly not looking in her direction as I respectfully look the other way. Alan on the other hand, can't stop staring at her in wonderment.
"And was Doug there then?" I ask.
"I didn't see Doug because you guys were passed out. The room was a wreck." She giggles. "But you looked so cosy." She looks over at me. "You and Phil were sleeping on the ground together and I didn't want to disturb you so I just curled up next to Stu."
"Disturb me?"
"Yeah, I wanted to check on the tattoo." She smiles at me.
"My back!" I clap my hands. "Do you know how I got it?"
"My friend Maisy." She says, chirpy. "She did an amazing job, didn't she?"
"Yeah," I mutter. "Fantastic."
"I got a question." Stu interrupts us. "Um, you said when your shift ended. Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer?"
"You know this. I'm a stripper." She laughs. "Well, technically I'm an escort, but stripping's a great way to meet the clients."
"Smart," Phil smirks at Stu.
"Savvy." I chuckle.
"But that's all in the past, now that I married a doctor." She smiles at Stu.
"I'm just a dentist." Stu shrugs.
"Wait," I pause. "Is you're friend Maisy a stripper too? The one who did my tattoo?"
"Of course," She hugs her baby. "But she does tattoos on the side. She's amazing at it." She looks up at me. "You said it would help with your job."
"How is a spine tattoo supposed to help with being an accountant?"
"Not that job," She tuts. "You asked me last night about becoming a stripper."
"I did?"
"You did?" Phil asks.
"Yeah," Jade smiles. "You said it would be interesting and did a strip tease at the hotel."
"What!" I squeal.
"You were amazing." She smirks at Phil. "He certainly enjoyed it." She looks back over at me. "I gave you my number and told you to call me when you wanted some clients." I pull out the note from my pocket that I found this morning.
"Las Vegas Police! Freeze!" The front door burst open, and two cops entered with their guns aimed at us. They shout and scream as they grab us all, handcuffing us. Jade's baby gets scared and starts to cry. "Shut that baby up! Shut that baby up!"
