Between Friends and Lovers

(20) Oliver

At this point, I was sure that my mother was going to start noticing that, now and then, I stole her keys to the arena. I wasn’t ready for that to happen since I knew that it would lead to a conversation I wasn’t ready to have with her just yet.

But that was a problem for another day, for now, there was something else weighing heavily on my mind.

After securing my ice skates, I looked at Alex, who was sitting next to me. She was done with her skates and stared at the rink with a faraway look. I didn’t know what that look meant exactly, but I could speculate. She was either thinking about how she was about to let me down—which I doubt she could ever do—or she was trying to reason with how crazy this whole thing was.

Because at the end of the day, it was a crazy plan.

I could blame Cooper for planting the idea in my head, but that wouldn’t be right. I was the one who entertained the idea. I was the one who blurted it out to Alex, and even though I had plenty of time to tell her that I’d changed my mind, I didn’t.

I wouldn’t say that I was proud of it, but what I told her in the kitchen was the truth. I truly did want to know why I stayed with Diane for so long. There had to be an explanation as to why I accepted that bare minimum love.

Granted, there were other ways to find out about it, ways that could be good for my mental well-being and wouldn’t break my heart, but I was too attached to this one. Even though it came with a lot of what-ifs that threatened to give me a headache, the more I think about them.

“Are you ready?” I asked, standing up from the bench.

Alex looked at me, but it didn’t even seem like she saw me. Her eyes were intense, letting me know that even though she was here physically and mentally, she wasn’t there.

“Oliver,” she began, looking into my eyes. “We need to talk.”

I’ve always hated those words. Nothing good ever followed those words. But right now, the worst thing she could say was that she wasn’t interested. Which I wouldn’t blame her for.

I sat back down. “Alex—”

“No, Oliver. Listen, this plan is crazy. We both know that. Things could go wrong. Hearts are not to be messed with.”

I understood that. I knew that. It was the reason for my overthinking for the past few days. I’d been thinking that Alexandria would have to be crazy or desperate to want to do this.

Desperation, after all, made it hard to think rationally.

“I understand, Alex.” I nodded, feeling the disappointment crush me before she even said the words. “It was the most craziest thing I’ve ever said.”

“Really?” She turned to me with a smile. “Crazier than you telling Diane we are together.”

That had slipped my mind. I had spent the last few hours worried about what happened in the kitchen to the extent that I had pushed the alteration with Diane to the very back of my mind. It was weird since everything that happened afterwards happened because I said what I said to Diane.

Instantly, I was reminded of how I felt when Alex looked up at me. The way Alex had looked up at me when I stood in front of her was forever embedded in my mind. I wanted to pull her into me and kiss her. I had to practice restraint, knowing that kissing her would complicate everything.

But that was one of the challenges I knew I was going to face in getting close to Alex. I knew that I still had some feelings for her, and I was also, without a shadow of a doubt, attracted to her physically.