Student with Disability Series #1
If you're mute, speechless, or can't utter even a single word, how can you deal with it every day? How can you face every morning when you start to hate your life?
Kaycee Francine Havanah is a grade 11 student who h...
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If you're mute, speechless, or can't utter even a single word, how can you deal with it every day? How can you face every morning when you start to hate your life?
Sometimes I ask, Why me? Why was I born to have this disability? Kaya minsan hindi ko mapigilan na isipin; maybe I am cursed. Being mute is very hard. You couldn't utter whatever you wanted to say. You couldn't express yourself to someone, even though you wanted to.
I'm also tired of seeing those expressions of them pitying me and talking about my condition behind my back as if I can't hear them. Are they not tired? Is it their job to worry others more than their own problems? I am speechless, but I'm not deaf. I listen to a lot of words, and the moment I hear their negative comments, I want to talk back. I wanted to shout at them for bullying me, but as long as I wanted to curse them, I couldn't talk. Kaya ang nangyayari, I pulled their hair, and oftentimes I couldn't control myself from being violent.
I'm not a typical mute girl. I'll fight when they try to hurt me. I would be violent as long as I protected myself. I would never let them ruin me just because I couldn't talk. Yeah, I'm mute, but I am not physically impaired.
I was born with mutism; I don't know the exact reason why I turned out to be like this. Noong huli kong pa check up sa doctor sinabing, pwede daw na namana ko sa family lalo na't sa side nila papa ay may case din ng sa akin. The doctor also said that I should not lose hope because there was hope to be cured. But how? We're not rich enough to have therapy or consult a professional doctor about my case. That's also why I lost hope in life. My existence is just a burden.
There's a time I lost hope to continue living. What for? My life is cruel anyway. There's a time when I couldn't take the pain anymore. I thought to end my life because I couldn't see myself as worth living in this cruel world. I always thought that I'd be useless and a burden to my family. What about studying when I know my future is too blurry to be successful? A person like me has no right to have a profession in society; even if I graduate Magna Cumlaude, it's useless. Ano nga naman ang pwede kong magawa as a speechless woman? There's none.
But on that rainy day, the day I planned to kill myself on that bridge, he came. He saved my life even though he didn't know. He started to color my black-and-white life. He makes my life twinkle in the dark. I couldn't believe I would fall for the very first time to the guy I just met on the bridge.
That day, I started to keep following him around. Whenever he goes, I always have an eye on him. Ang kadahilanan na mas gusto ko pa siyang makilala. Ang akala ko may chance akong mapalapit pa sa kaniya nang malaman ko na we are in the same school. Ang kaso hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman nang makita ko siya sa hallway na may sinusuyong magandang babae. My heart fell down on the cold floor; no one caught it; now it's already broken.
