SWD#1: Voiceless Feelings ✔️

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||| Chapter 1 |||

"Nasaan ang walang silbi kong anak?!" The moment I heard his footsteps coming, and his thunderous voice, I couldn't help but shake in fear. The next thing I heard were the loud crashes of things falling in the kitchen.

"Theodore! Ang aga-aga uminom ka na naman!" Mula dito sa kwarto ko I clearly heard them shouting. Mga bagay na parang tumitilapon sa kung saan-saan na nakakalikha ng pagkasindak. Sa tingin ko si papa na naman ang may kagagawan. Every time he's drunk, he throws things he sees. He is also violent, and no one can stop him.

Lagi din ako ang nakikita niya kapag lasing siya. Kung anu-anong masasakit na salita ang naabot ko sa kaniya. Kabisado ko na nga ang favorite niyang line sa akin. 'ang kaniyang walang kwentang anak' palamunin lang sa bahay at tanga.

Even though I hear that from him, I couldn't stop myself from crying because it hurts too much. How can I ignore those words or pretend that I didn't hear him? His words are like a knife, causing my heart to bleed in pain.

He's my father but i don't know why he's like that when it comes to me. With my other siblings, ate Savannah, Driana and Gueco, he's okay naman. Kapag sa 'kin napapansin kong hindi maganda ang loob niya. Sa mga malilit na kilos ni papa, hindi ako tanga para hindi ko mahalatang kinakahiya niya akong anak. Kahit isang beses hindi ko man lang narinig sa kaniya na ipagmalaki niya ako sa mga kumpare niya.

When Ate Savannah got first runner-up in the beauty pageant last year, I saw how happy he was. Nagpainom pa nga siya. Halos buong kapitbahay namin ay imbitado kahit wala naman kami masyadong pera. But when I told them I was top 1 in class, I received a judgmental laugh from him. He even told me it was just a coincidence or maybe the teachers took pity on me because I'm mute. He didn't know that I worked hard for it. I studied well so that maybe he could see me as his daughter too. Maybe he would be proud of me. But I was wrong, he only laughed sarcastically.

Hindi niya ako masisisi kung madalas wala na rin akong modo at pakialam sa kaniya. How can I respect him as a father if he don't consider me as his daughter.

I almost had a heart attack when the door of my room was harshly opened by someone who just came in. I couldn't help but shake in fear while looking at him. He almost fell on the floor because he was too drunk, unable to balance his body standing in front of my door.

The moment he stepped aside, I quickly stood up on my bed and hid in the corner. I couldn't help but cry silently. My heart was beating so fast.

"Ikaw na pun*eta ka! Wala ka na ibang dala... Puros problema!" Bago pa man makalapit si papa sa akin ay  narinig ko na ang nagmamadaling mga hakbang ni mama papasok. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag kahit papaano nang marinig ko ang boses niya.

"Theodore! Ikaw ang problema sa bahay na ito. Puro ka na lang inom, inom! Hindi ka yayaman sa pag-inom na yan. Buti na lang kung sa bawat pag-inom mo ay sumasahod ka!"

"Kumakayod ako... Y-yang anak mo na yan wala man lang silbi sa pamamahay na ito..." Tinakpan ko na lang ang mga tainga ko habang patuloy pa rin ang pag-agos ng luha ko. Patuloy itong inaawat ni mama na huwag lumapit sa akin. Halos hilahin na niya ito palabas ng kwarto ko pero hindi magawa-gawa dahil sa malaking tao si papa.

"Tumahimik ka na Theodore!"

"Hindi ako tatahimik... 'Yang anak mo na yan, Melva, kahihiyan lang hatid n'yan! Nakarating sa akin inaway daw ng anak mo 'yong anak ng kumpare ko. Kaya dapat turuan yan ng leksyon para maputol ang sungay!" Nakawala ito kay mama. Wala akong nagawa nang mabilis itong nakalapit para hablutin ang buhok ko.