In Her Mind (Kyoya x reader)

Chapter Eight: Dissociating

Warning (A/N): A little POV switching here

I could tell from the moment I stepped outside my dorm room doors early that morning that today just wasn't going to be a good day. I had been consulting with the host club until late in the previous evening as F/n for an upcoming theme that I had just so happened to "suggest" as Y/n. Instead of aiming for anything out of their wheelhouse, why not try for Japanese history? At least that was something they wouldn't really need my help with, outside of the costuming, of course, but they wouldn't know that. I had been up working on their kimono designs until the early hours of the morning, working on sourcing the fabric and figuring out how much it would cost me to do.

After all, it wasn't exactly going to be my cheapest of projects.

I didn't have the energy to do the minimal make-up I usually did, so I decided I would go to class bare faced. I gulped down a coffee instead of my usual breakfast, not even feeling any sort of hunger whatsoever.

I walked through the hallways to the library listlessly, no emotion behind my tired eyes. This early there were barely any students or even faculty about, but I was supposed to meet Mitsuo to help him study for the upcoming maths exam, and he insisted on using the library.

"I'm here," I declared, barely registering the heavy sounding thunk as my book bag hit the library table and I collapsed down into the chairs "What exactly do you need help with?"

I looked up at Mitsuo who had an apologetic smile on his face, and I tried to remember not only why he would look at me like that but what the emotion felt like. The world around me felt like it was in a stasis, and I didn't feel anything other then the creeping exhaustion.

"I'm sorry, Kyoya was incredibly insistent that I tell them where you live," Mitsuo apologised "He said something about club bonding, some shitty ass excuse I don't know."

I waved Mitsuo off and insisted we get to work. Much of the rest of the day followed the same, with me barely recognising the faces around me. I didn't have the energy to try and participate in class, and I could feel a breakdown bubbling just under the surface. I must have been acting off without realising it because I could feel the burning stare in the back of my head and when I turned to look Kyoya simply raised a single brow as if to ask "what's wrong?" Or "have you given up yet?". I simply blinked slowly back at him, and it must have seemed odd as his head cocked to the side slightly and his eyes began to study me, flitting across my face, hair, body and desk. I know I usually felt some kind of emotion whenever we would lock eyes or be in each other's general vicinity, but right now I didn't know what emotion I was supposed to be feeling.

Shaking my head I returned my gaze to the front of the class and did my best to pay attention but before I knew it one class had passed, then two, then all of them and the day was at an end. I made my way to the club room and slipped into the backroom to work on homework only to realise that I had somehow not retained any of the information from class that day and the words on all the papers looked like a foreign language that I didn't understand. I tried to flip through my textbooks to help me but it was all the same, nothing was making sense. I felt a tear at the sheer frustration of it all slip from my eyes before I closed them and leaned my head back against the wall behind where I was sitting.

I took a moment to just breath as I listened to the club members setting up. There wasn't a particular theme, but I had been asked to put on a small performance with Tamaki by some of his regular clients who had seen me milling about the club room. With a deep breath I stole some of the clubs make-up and did something light and flirty with minimal effort. If I was putting on a performance I had to make it look good.

I could hear the girls slowly arriving and filing into the room, finding their hosts and sitting down. Tamaki had told me to make a dramatic entrance, so I waited until I could hear the girls asking about me. Taking a deep breath I smudged some flour across one of my cheeks and carried out the cake I had made the day before, placing it on the sweets table as both Tamaki and the girls turned to me. I made a show of cutting and plating a slice before waltzing over to Tamaki with a big fake smile that fooled everyone... except for Kyoya.