In the Moshpit - Joost Klein

22.

I cried for hours on the roof of the hotel. The more I cried, the more drunk I felt. I was so dehydrated and the whole pack of cigarettes I had smoked didn't help either. I felt like nicotine was the only thing that could numb me up there.

The moment I finally pulled myself together to leave the roof I was met with another obstacle. The stick that held the door open was gone and the door locked by itself when Joost left.

I was stuck up on that cold roof as the sun rose over Berlin. My body was as cold as ice considering the jacket didn't give enough warmth. My head was throbbing as the hangover kicked in a few hours later.

Once I finally heard voices on the street down under me, I pulled myself to the edge and shouted for help with my 60-year-old smoker voice. My voice had never been so hoarse before. I had smoked 20 cigarettes and the only thing that stopped me from smoking more was the fact that I didn't have access to more up on the roof.

After 8 hours on the roof someone finally opened the door. It was the hotel manager who had heard my screams for help. She was quick to help me up on my feet and guide me to my hotel room. My lips were blue and completely cracked while my skin was pale enough to match a polar bear.

I walked along the corridors and just as we got to my floor, I saw Joost exit his room wearing a black hoodie. He was wearing black sunglasses, yet I still saw his shocked expression as I was leaning my weight on the hotel manager.

"Callist-" He tried reaching out for me, but I dismissed it.

"Shut the fuck up Joost" was the only words I had for that man.

"What happened?" he asked behind me.

"You happened" I scoffed.

"Fuck... did I leave you up there?" Joost followed the hotel manager and I down the corridor. His voice sounded apologetic, but it didn't really matter to me at the moment. I needed to get somewhere warm without him telling me that I blame him for everything.

"I'm sorry but you need to leave. AVROTROS is waiting for you downstairs to do some meetings before the interviews start" The hotel manager stopped Joost from walking any further while I unlocked my door.

I didn't look behind me to see Joost's face. I was too exhausted to even care about anything. I felt so mentally exhausted, also physically exhausted but I had no time for that since I had to get ready for the interviews that would start in an hour.

I had read somewhere that you could go into shock if you took a shower after being out in the cold, so I had to naturally warm my body up first. I changed out of my clothes last night and put on oversized hoodie and sweatpants. I moved my body as much as possible until I felt warm again.

After about 30 minutes of "working out" I decided to take a much-needed shower. I let the hot water burn my body. I kept on repeating Joost words from last night. I mean he was drunk and acting out of frustration.

No wait why the fuck am I even defending a man's actions? He did what he did, and I didn't have to make up excuses for him. If he truly meant those words, then it was the end of our friendship. If he wanted to defend himself, then he had a lot of work to do.

I needed to focus on myself for once and not let my happiness depend on others. Joost did have a point about me blaming others for everything and making it seem like they are the problem and not me. I was so used to being overlooked that I only focused on what everyone else was doing.

I must have just stared into the wall for a good 30 minutes because someone was banging on my door. I wrapped a towel around my body and headed out to open the door. It was Christian from the Danish Delegation.