In the Moshpit - Joost Klein

3.

I was doing my 10th interview. They all only lasted around 2-7 minutes but it felt much longer than that when they were all asking the same questions. It was tiring being on your own. I would often look over at the Estonian people who were all enjoying this because they had each other.

I had no one.

I looked to my right and saw Joost laughing with all the interviewers. He was so likable. I had put on my professional side of me which was no fun at all. That side was so serious and it was slowly killing me. I was way too polite and boring with my answers. None of my personality was showing through.

I felt myself lowering in the odds with every interview. The true person that I would normally show on social media was not there in the room with me. It had been adjusted by the Danish committee to the point where it wasn't even me.

A new interviewer came up to me.

"Hi Callista Raven. How are you feeling?" She asked.

"I'm good. I'm so excited to be here" I tried so hard smiling but I was truly miserable with this appearance.

"Well we have all heard the song but what is the best way to explain it to someone who hasn't heard it?"

I decided to just say fuck the Danish committee. I didn't want to take part in Eurovision while pretending to be someone I'm not.

"It is a love song to my addiction. There was a time when I was so lonely, and I was just getting worse by the minute, and I couldn't explain why. Again, something that no one would know. We keep it in silence. You do hear substance abuse being glamorised by rappers, but it's historically always been gross for a woman to open up about these things, or she gets penalised for it. Look what they did to Amy Winehouse, you know? Meanwhile, we're being eaten alive by these things we're too scared to talk about, especially as women" I told her.

It was probably the most true self I had been all day.

"I honestly just thought it was about being rich and getting Mary Jane shoes" She laughed.

I didn't laugh. It wasn't funny to compare my addiction to shoes. I kept my sane while I secretly wanted to slap her for that. I didn't want my song to be seen as a joke.

"Well then I think you should re-listen to the song again if that is what you get from it" I put on a fake smile.

"Well I think we are done here. Thank you for chatting with me. Do you have one last thing to say to the people" She pointed at the camera.

"Be the one you want to be, not someone you pretend to be to please others. Life is seriously too short to live that way" I honestly said with all my heart. And also a bit of a fuck-you to the Danish committee.

I rested my head on the table already overthinking what the Danish committee would say to that.

"You good honey?" Joost asked from the side.

"So good now that I don't have to pretend" I exhaustedly breathed out onto the table.

"Awww so you finally can admit you want me to talk to you" He raised an eyebrow for an answer from me but he knew the cameras were all watching us, so he was only doing it for the plot.

"Joost. I'm here to just hopefully get through this right now without having a panic attack and you are simply making it worse by pretending to be something that you are not" I said without thinking.

I should not be so rude to him. He was in reality not doing any harm towards me. He was just trying to have fun and I was the one ruining it like usual.