In the Moshpit - Joost Klein

7.

The hospital walls were getting sickening. They were grey and filled with lifeless souls. It had been all I looked at for five days straight. All I had was my phone but it only made me feel even worse.

Everytime I would go on my phone there would be a new article with me being the biggest Eurovision slut known to man. I had been shipped with people that I didn't even know I talked to. I was appearly such a big flirt when I was drunk even though I had no intentions on doing anything. I started feeling self conscious about everything I did. Everyone was somehow watching my every move.

The worst part is that all those "slut moments" happened either backstage or up in the artist lounge where most people weren't able to film. Maybe it had been one of the other artists that had filmed me and leaked it to the media.

The moment I hit the Danish grounds I turned off all media. I had only seen what the media could do to someone in the matter of hours and I hated it. I had no control over what was filmed.

The moment I got home from the airport I started feeling even worse than what I did when I woke up. Aslan had accidentally given me a bunch of allergy pills instead of painkillers. They somehow just kicked in when we got to Denmark but the moment we did I started vomiting and fainting.

I was driven to the hospital immediately by the ambulance. The allergy pills mixed with the alcohol in my system created some kind of virus that took everything out of me. I was out for about 24 hours before I woke up again. I was so confused and I didn't really understand what had happened.

The doctors had given me a lot of painkillers to help with the pain I was in so for five days straight everything felt like a loopy dream. I hadn't been this gone ever since I was a drug addict. I actually didn't like it as much as I had thought. These drugs didn't hit the same as the ones on the streets of Berlin.

The drugs in Berlin were strong and numbed every normal thought you had, they made you hallucinate into another world. That was what a real good high was. Not this bullshit the doctors put me on.

I had already been informed that I wouldn't attend the London pre-party considering my condition. I also thought it was for the best but I really wanted to show a better version of myself than what I did at the Madrid pre-party. I didn't want to come off as that slut who banged everyone from Eurovision.

All I had to do was get better before the Amsterdam and Stockholm pre-party. I was healing and getting better every single day but it felt too slow for how fast my brain was moving. I wanted to be out there having fun and enjoying my time as an Eurovision artist.

I decided to open all my social media accounts for the first time in days. It was time for me to show my face and let everyone know that I was more than just a slut.

I started off by positing a picture on Instagram to tell everyone I was okay and planning on going home soon where I would continue my recovery. I then got the good idea to start filming tik toks in the hospital. My body had healed pretty well so I was able to move now without crying. It still felt a bit sore but it was nothing compared to how it was before.

I took my little hydration bag out into the hall and just pretended it was a skateboard. Some of the nurses started laughing at me and even joined in on the tik toks while others looked at me as if I was disrespecting the hospital.

The tik toks were filmed and posted with some silly captions like "I may be in the hospital but I'm still slaying in the odds. Watch me perform Mary Jane on the Eurovision stage from the hospital" and so on.

Everyone loved it and wished me a good recovery. I did need to rest to heal my body but I felt too energised to continue to sleep. My thoughts were too much so I needed to be distracted with something loud and hard.