Three Phantoms of You [bxb]

Me, You to Follow

Nolan:

I'm not really one to be scandalous, or, moreover, get accused of something like that. Yet I couldn't help but feel shocked by his confrontation. I don't even fucking know why I was there where he was. And somehow, I'm responsible?

I'm thinking that he probably knows what happened last night and it bothers me. I knew that guard was nowhere near trustworthy. I mean, look at her politeness; it's suspicious as hell. There's no way she wouldn't snitch to tell him about my late-night escape.

"I said. What are you doing here?"

Oh yeah, I forgot I have to actually answer and not just watch someone's anger explode in front of me.

So I looked into his eyes and tried to candidly reply, "What do you mean? I was here minutes ago before you."

Because that's the truth. There's no way I'll take an accusation when I literally got here before him. It's rational, right?

"No. You weren't. You were at campus even after I left." What? "There's no way you'll get here that fast."

You see, it is easy to throw a justified lie when you actually have proof to justify it. However, with another phantom of me interfering with our interactions, there's no way I can throw shit. You know what-

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I rushed here as soon as you left, and I didn't know you were headed here too."

He looks at me more somberly after my confession, somewhat less agitated, as if those words weaken all that is left inside his feelings.

"Oh." He reacts. "I—just don't fucking mess with me, dude. I'm not in the mood right now. I have to study."

I nod rather than ask more about what he meant, even though my thoughts beg to ponder all that is of him. He looked around us, trying to see if people were watching, yet they weren't. We're naked but alone in our emotions.

He stepped back and steered his gaze away from me, timing the ring of his name off the lips of the barista.

When I thought he was about to leave, he turned a glance back at me and eyed me up and down. "How'd you change that fast anyway?" I hear him mumble before finally sighing and getting his drink.

Now. I don't know what I would've reasoned out if he hadn't left, because even I would be suspicious. I just fell back into my chair instead and tried to enjoy my food without resentment.

Minutes have past, and my thoughts still linger in his words. What could've I done for him to be so angry at the thought of us being in the same conformity as each other? It doesn't make sense, much less the thought of him going to my table just to confront me about it.

All I can do now is watch, veiled out of his sight, as he reads his book across from me. I can't help but think about how one can manage to live secluded from others' feelings. He's hiding all trace of what he's feeling and showing more negativity than he can give. He's effortless in acting all neutral, and I'm too ingenious in observing.

I can see more of him now. There's no restriction on what I can only watch of him. There's no love. And no pushing for him to express it. I'm far from observing.

He looked up at me from his book as I was still staring. It was too late for me to jerk my look away for him to not catch me as I hear him close his book, stand from where he's sitting, and, of course, head to where I'm sat. Damn it, really.

"Why do you keep looking?" he asks.

I tried my best not to look at him to hide all embarrassment on my flushed face, yet his frigid stare threatened to pierce me speechless.

"I'm not," I say with a faint smile.

He wasn't pleased with my reply and shot circles with his eyes back at me again. "You always say that you're honest all through. But you're nothing more than a liar."

Why'd he have to be so cold to me? It's as if there's no point in being nice to him. "Fine, you caught me. But I'm staring at you because I wanted to. It might be out of hatred, who knows?" I shrug.

"Definitely to piss me off," he answered back.

All I can do now is give him the same energy he's been giving me and be nice. I should've been warned about his coldness when we met in the first place. It's tiring to keep up.

"Did it work?"

"It does most of the time. If only you knew how much I fucking hate you for doing it." Now, I couldn't help but be more curious.

"Good to know I have that much effect on you."

"Now, don't be smug." He keeps his emotion neutral throughout every reply he makes.

How can he not falter?

He once again looked at me, tired and lifeless, with those light brown eyes. "Just stop. I'm done keeping up with your shit," he continues.

Leaving me once again dazed. I keep recalling all those times I used to watch him say the same words to different people. But why'd only this time did it actually hit me and hurt? I'm used to not understanding where tears come from, only love. However, he knows it more than anything in this lifetime.

"I need to go but I hate to see you again at campus."

It would be nice for us to end on a good note, yet he won't allow me. He fucking left me dissatisfied. How the hell would I know what I have done?

I know it's not for my spectator self to figure out, but for my living phantom to resolve. However, if we keep meeting like this, I might alter both our worlds.

I sighed at that thought and exit the cafe a few minutes after him.

Many students from the campus finally left by the time 4:00 p.m. arrived. The streets were once again full, and vehicles paraded on roads of restlessness. Yet my eyes are once again on him.

He's with the guy who asked me about a paper earlier and is now walking out of the main gate. It doesn't really surprise me that they know each other since he did say his name fondly.

They talked for a few minutes on the same spot as I stood a few feet away from them, less in disguise and more in casualness. It's unlikely for him to catch me because many students are bustling around us to go home. However, I still need to be cautious if I choose to watch him again.

The guy left quickly after their chat and got in his car. He just left Kiev there, holding his backpack and his phone.

He probably feels this too often. Alone and left. Or that's just me being too dramatic and sympathetic for him. It's funny how even though he gave me all the reasons to loathe him earlier, I still think of changing my perceptions to better understand him. Maybe I'll get closer to him in this lifetime? No. Only in this multiverse.

He shifted away from where he was and walked to an alley at the back of the school. I hurriedly followed him there. I could see his silhouette; however, no signs of him. I don't know why he headed here anyway. Either it's his regular path to home or he's doing something suspicious. I needed to know. Yet—

He's not there.