Three Phantoms of You [bxb]

An Ex in the Formula

Nolan:

I'm not dreaming. Nor is it lucid.

Since last week, I have never known peace. Like literally.

Every time I go to bed, I'm somehow lost in another world that shouldn't even be possible once you're already living.

The world of spectating.

It might look normal since I started out as a spectator; however, one rule that was taught to us is that one can't be another.

Usually I really love sleeping and resting after a long day, but knowing this, it kind of feels tiresome. But it's nothing to be afraid of in a sense since I did enjoy spectating before, but this time is different.

This time, all I keep seeing is myself. And Kiev.

Both hurled up in different scenarios where the other couldn't see me while my phantom did. It's the first time I ever saw myself since it's not entirely possible for two phantoms to be at the same place at the same time, let alone look into each other, but he knows I'm there.

Last night, I saw him and me again at a sushi bar eating together. Everyone around us was non-existent, even though it was in daylight, as if no love were to be in the scene other than ours. We were laughing and joking, and it's the first time I actually saw Kiev feel something other than heartlessness, and it's with me.

That'll be funny to think of, but every encounter made me discover something I hadn't known. He's feeling emotions that I resent him for not feeling before. And every time he gives me an ounce of it, I feel like I'm being ripped watching and become weak.

But it's another day, and time brought me to the same place where I always start the day. My room.

Thinking about each nighttime encounter once I wake up isn't really doing anything for my sanity, so I'd rather push them aside as I continue to eat, bathe myself, dress, and go to the cafe.

I start my day by drinking my brown coffee to get myself energized at least and eating a strawberry-stuffed bagel I bought on the way here. It's the same food I eat every day since it keeps my diet well balanced, I guess?

I'm surprised I haven't been fed up with drinking coffee since technically that's the only thing I drink every morning, but hey, I'm a teenage boy who's depressed and stressed and is always in need of an energizer, even if I quickly palpitate. Isn't everyone like that?

"Good morning," Nina greets me from the side counter.

She's the only one who also didn't return for the holidays to her hometown and has taken extra shifts, which is why we're always in collision. She told me about how she ran away from Anders-the same place where Kiev lives-to survive independently.

I greeted her back and went on to finish my breakfast. Just in time, customers barged into the shop to order their regulars.

It wasn't really a busy day. I had a few chats while doing their orders, went to my phone to check Kiev's number, where the last message I sent was one week ago, and waited for more customers.

My gaze then lay upon a blonde guy wearing an anime-style hoodie with a brown bonnet hat. He's someone new and someone who I assume barely goes here at all, yet as my eyes meet his, I can tell that there's an unbound electricity forging shockwaves between us. And when someone catches my attention, that means they're here for me.

"Nolan," the guy says enthuasistically.

I knew it.

Normally, whenever I get greeted while working, I just smile back and say hi since I can't really start a conversation with them knowing me; meanwhile, I see them as just a colossus of unfamiliarity. Which is what I did with this guy as well. However-