I'm Not The Only One (Scomiche)

19: Haunted

"So much that I need to share. So much to get off my chest."

Make It To Me by Sam Smith

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My reflex as soon as I heard his voice was to close the laptop shut. "Uh... what?" I sat up abruptly and faced Scott. "No, I- I wasn't," I lied.

You are not fooling anyone, Mitch.

He raised an eyebrow and stepped closer to the bed. Scott's hair was still dripping and he was half naked, his towel hanging low on his waist. "So if I open my laptop and go to my mail, my messages will still be unread?"

"Uhm..." My lie went straight to my cheeks and painted them a shameful shade of red.

Scott let out a deep breath while shaking his head. "Mitch, this has to stop."

"What does?" I asked even if I knew exactly what he meant.

He headed for the cabinet and pulled off a shirt and a pair of boxers, which he wore without saying a word. When he was dressed he walked back to me and climbed on top of the bed, choosing to sit opposite me. "We need to talk."

Everybody knows that those four words almost always resulted to something awful. I began to panic. "Scott, I swear I didn't mean to! But then I saw the notification and I saw that the message was from Alex and I tried hard to ignore it but it was like calling out to me, you know? I'm so sorry. I promise I won't do it again. I swear, Scott. You have to -"

"Mitch."

My mind was on overdrive and I felt scared, ashamed, and disappointed in myself. "-I don't know what came over me but seeing his name was-"

"Mitch," Scott said louder this time.

Hot tears were starting to burn the corners of my eyes. "-I just really wanted to go online shopping, I swear. It wasn't my-"

"Stop!" he yelled.

The volume of his voice was enough to make me shut up.

"Just... stop. Please."

I bowed my head, too afraid to see his reaction. I clasped my hands and wrung them nervously.

"Mitch, look at me." His voice was stern but he wasn't shouting.

The fact that he was calling me by my first name, his voice devoid of its usual warmth and sweetness, made me fidget all the more.

"We can't go on like this."

Did he really just say what I think he did? I lifted my head and blue eyes pierced into mine. "W-what?"

"This has to stop," he said firmly.

"Are- are you..." The tears managed to escape. "You're breaking up with me?"

His eyes widened. "What? No! I didn't mean that."

I inhaled and exhaled deeply.

"Mitch, I'm really trying to understand. I know the situation has been hard on you but I have to draw the line. Invading my privacy is not okay."

I bowed my head again. "I know."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I..." I sniffed. "I don't really know. I saw his name and it like triggered something in my brain."

"So how do we fix this?" Scott, it seemed, was asking the most difficult of questions.

"I don't think I'll be okay as long as you're working with him," I confessed.

"Mitch, two more weeks then he's out of our lives. Can you dial down the jealousy until then?"

I laid down and hugged a pillow to my face.

"Mitch." Scott was obviously frustrated at how immature I was acting at that moment. "I'm serious." He reached over and pulled the pillow away from my face.

I replaced the pillow with my hand. "Two more weeks of the longest three months of my life!"

He crawled over and lay down beside me. "If I were to be completely honest, it's been getting a little suffocating.".

I flinched at his words. I've known long ago that I have been unfair to Scott but it still sucked to hear him confirm it and to know that my inability to deal with my issues properly were also hurting him. "I don't have much else to say for myself except that I'm sorry."

Scott was silent for a few moments. "Do you think there will ever come a time when I'll fully gain your trust?"

I think it was the most difficult question he has ever asked me. I wanted to say yes, but at that moment I honestly didn't know.

"Will our mistake continue to haunt this relationship?" he whispered.

Our mistake. OUR mistake. Those two words reverberated in my ears and it felt like I was slapped. Scott was right. He wasn't alone when he cheated on Alex. I was there. I've been acting like a paranoid, jealous boyfriend when Scott didn't cheat on me - he cheated WITH me.

I turned my head to the side and saw a glimpse of his face. He was staring at the ceiling, his hands resting on his stomach. There was no hint of anger or frustration on his face - instead, he seemed tired... defeated. He had continued talking but I didn't really understand what he had been saying cause all I heard was the sadness and hopelessness in his voice.

"...in two weeks the project with Alex will be over but what about after that? Will you start trusting me then? I feel like my past will always be hanging above our heads..."

My chest tightened at the sight of him. It has been a while since I've seen Scott that vulnerable and it was heart-wrenching to see.

"...how will this relationship work if you don't trust me?" His voice cracked at his last words. Then he closed his eyes as a single tear fell. He stayed silent, probably waiting for a reply.

But I had none to offer, except more tears from my own eyes. I turned away to look at the ceiling.

After a while, Scott exhaled loudly. The bed shifted and I saw him getting up.

"Where are you going?"

"I need some air," he replied while making his way to the door without even giving me a glance.

The door closed and I was left alone.

I waited for him to return to bed but he never did, and I ended up sobbing away all my anger, frustration, confusion, and sadness until I fell asleep.