I'm Not The Only One (Scomiche)

23: Satan

"I'd never ask you cause deep down I'm certain I know what you'd say."

Not In That Way by Sam Smith

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Sobbing my heart out was exhausting. Trying to sob my heart out quietly was doubly exhausting. As the minutes went by, I slowly regretted my decision to spend the weekend with the girls. I craved to be alone but I didn't really know where to go. I was afraid that I'd completely fall apart if I was by myself, or probably do something stupid which I would terribly regret. At the same time, I also didn't think the girls would allow me to leave.

They must have thought that I was asleep because they started talking in hushed voices. Their topic could only have been me and Scott, and it made me want to cry even more. I couldn't hear what they were saying but I could only imagine what they must think of Scott and of me. They seemed to be in disagreement since the hushed voices became louder. I caught a few words and realized they were debating on whether my boyfriend was actually cheating on me or not.

Unable to listen any longer, I suddenly removed the pillow away from my face causing their conversation to abruptly stop. I sat up and walked towards the dining area.

"Babe? You need anything?" Lia asked.

"Water," I mumbled. I got a bottle from the refrigerator and returned to the couch and sat down sloppily. I placed the cold bottle over my eyes, hoping to alleviate some of the heaviness.

I heard them standing up and walking towards me.

"Hey, Mitch?" Brookes called out.

"Hmmm?" I responded without removing the bottle away from my face.

"Caty and I are leaving to get our stuff. See you at lunch?"

I nodded in reply.

Both girls walked up to me and each gave me a kiss on the head before bidding goodbye. When they had left, Lia sat beside me. For a few minutes she just sat there, not saying anything.

"How did you survive it?" I asked after a while. I didn't have to elaborate because I knew she knew exactly what I was referring to.

She released a loud sigh and seemed to contemplate her answer. "I don't really think I've survived. At least not yet. If survival was a long tunnel then I'm still in the middle, in the dark, just trying to find my way out."

"That sounds depressing."

"It's because it is."

I removed the bottle from my face and turned my head to look at my friend. Her head was resting on the back of the couch and her eyes were turned towards the ceiling. "Have you forgiven him?"

She fell silent again, and it took her a while before she answered. "I don't know. I don't even know if I've forgiven myself for being so stupid and believing all his lies."

"You weren't stupid. You trusted him."

Lia shifted in her seat and faced me. "Let's be real, Mitch. I was stupid. I ignored the signs and blindly held on to all his words and promises."

This was a different side of her I rarely saw and I stopped for a moment to take it all in.

I have been friends with Lia for as long as I was working in the magazine. She was the first friend I made, and the closest one to me, too. At the time I met her, she had already broken off her engagement with Red, her boyfriend of 6 years. I never really got to know the side of her that was blindly in love with her ex-fiance, the "stupid" version of her, as she calls it. Who I came to know was already the feisty little devil I loved and adored to this day.